personal life victory! making progress with expressing my sexuality as a fem

felt like sharing with somebody that i experienced a First tonight. i have never felt confident or even neutral about my naked body and its shape. i was very obese for the majority of my life and this contributed to absolutely no self-esteem or confidence. this negatively impacted any sex life i had and continued to do so until recently.

my partner and i have been together for 13 years and while we are monogamous, we don't mind texting or online sexual play with other people as long as the person isn't local. we tell each other about our fun times and it's kind of a bonding experience tbh (very cathartic and it releases sexual frustration). we've both had recent improvements in health and are becoming more physical and intimate as we can get significantly closer to each other's bodies. long story but shit's a lot better now for us is my point.

i have a few friends online that i enjoy being flirty and sexual with. before talking dirty i make sure we click on deeper levels than just small talk, and that we legitimately vibe. these boys have all showed me themselves naked and touching themselves and finishing. they like to periodically remind me how pretty i am (aww :D) and of wanting me to send some pics their way whenever i am comfortable. my friends are understanding of my body image issues, but that has always been frustrating to me. so often i have wanted to show off and tease them but my brain would stop me from sharing my own. i've taken naked pics before and they made me cry. i simply couldn't bring myself to do it. they are attracted to me, we're good friends outside of sexual play, and they think i am cute and pretty from the waist up so why risk it?

well, tonight i was just feeling it. i was feeling very on all day and antsy to be touched. i was talking to the guys and each one was hitting me up with some heavy sexual talk. i couldn't stop myself at that point haha.

i'll spare details but i was able to take pictures and videos in some undies, out of said undies, touching myself, and showing off in poses that made me feel submissive and feminine. it was really nice! i shared them without any guilt or second thought and still don't feel any shame about it. i don't feel weird or uncomfortable at all like i absolutely would have been even at the beginning of this year. i forward the pics to my partner as well and he had a big grin, kissed me, and told me they were very cute.

i am glad to be at this point in my life. there are things about my body i will likely never enjoy but i can feel some form of acceptance now. i've even identified aspects of my body i used to hate as features i find unique and not a deterrent to my value.

if you can relate i hope you know you are far from alone. don't give in to the doubt. keep living your truth and it won't win. it doesn't matter if your truth is lived in a protected space you can't let out just anywhere. every time you reclaim yourself you bring yourself closer to the relief of living authentically. you won't go back once you get there.