Pentagon warns Toronto ‘dangerously close’ to winning World Series

Following last night’s elimination of the New York Yankees, the United States Department of War has advised the White House that the Toronto Blue Jays are “perilously close” to acquiring the MLB World Series Commissioner’s Trophy.

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth reportedly briefed President Trump about the impending Blue Jays threat immediately after his latest hangover wore off. US military intelligence had allegedly reported that the Blue Jays were favourites going into the series, but despite this oncoming danger the Yankees were still destroyed. [...]