Bored National Guard goes door to door asking if Chicagoans have any order they need restored

Unsure where to find the lawlessness and chaos they were told was overtaking the city, National Guard troops deployed to Chicago by President Donald Trump have begun aimlessly going door to door and asking residents if they have any order they might need restored, sources confirmed Thursday. “Hi there, ma’am—I was wondering if you’d seen any gang members or waves of criminal aliens rampaging through your household lately, and if I could assist in any way,” Cpl. Hunter Benson of the Texas guard said to confused 88-year-old Ravenswood resident Marsha Goldstein, peeking into the woman’s foyer to see if he could spot any hellish, out-of-control crime engulfing her living room. [...]