I apologize for not being able to elaborate further on that because the words that come to my mind refuse to form coherent sentences.
All I can say is that the question in the title has been running in my head straight for a month now. It can be one of those days, or I start to stagger under the weight of my mental luggage.
PS, I’m seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist if anyone wonders.
First, thank you for your kind words. That is one of the reasons for me to feel that way, but I still continue on my newfound path.