Trynna make this short. They’re an online friend, known them for years. They’re from california, unhoused, living in their car for years, severely struggling with their mental health. TW:
spoiler
They are in danger of suicide rn.
I dont know what else to do, I can’t reach them physically, I’m from a whole nother continent. I’ve got them talking to me at least, so that’s positive.
Any resources, assistance that can be provided would be amazing.
Complications: they won’t gimme their cashapp
Update: Pls dont look the other way, this is important and urgent. We need to help each other out in any way we can.
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i’m no expert, but in lieu of getting them to talk to 988, basically supporting them in the same way a hotline like that would.
TW
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getting a handle on exactly how dangerous the situation is: are they only ideating suicide? are they making plans to commit suicide, and if so how realistic/serious are they and how close are they to carrying out those plans? the more dangerous the situation is, the more careful and subtle you’ll need to be
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validating their feelings by saying things like “it absolutely makes sense that you would feel that way, anyone who experienced the same things as you would feel exactly the same way” (because it honestly does make sense, if they’ve been struggling for years).
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finding their reason to survive and highlighting that. they must have some reason to survive, or they wouldn’t be alive now, so finding and focusing on that might be useful. this could range from the innate desire to survive that everyone has, to specific meaningful relationships they have with you or others, to life goals that they want to accomplish, to things that they enjoy doing, etc etc
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reminding them that you’re there to support them as much as you can, that they can tell anything to you safely, that you love and/or care about them and their well-being, that you appreciate how trusting they are of you, etc etc. i assume this is true anyhow, and it almost never feels bad to hear
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depending on how dangerous the situation is, very gently challenging some of the negative thoughts that brought them to be suicidal in the first place. something like responding to “nobody loves me” with “well, i love you and care about you,” things like that.
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encouraging or getting them to do some sort of distracting positive activity. this could literally be talking to you, it could be going on a nice walk, it could be getting a hug from someone. obviously it depends on the person and their situation (these don’t seem like great ideas for this situation), but everyone does some sort of relaxing/distracting activity every once in a while, to rest. find out what they like to do if you don’t know already and encourage them to do it.
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if you can walk them down, maybe informally making a sort of crisis plan for them. in its most basic form it would be something like “the next time you feel like this, i want you to know you can always talk to me about it” to encourage them to talk it through with you. and then any coping strategies they have from #6, if they work you can highlight those like “the next time you feel like this, don’t forget you can do x, y and z to make yourself feel a little better” or something like that. making a safe environment is also part of a crisis plan, i.e. making sure there as many steps as possible between you and any potential suicide plan, like putting knives away or not walking by a bridge if you have the option. i’m not sure what that would look like for this person, but you get the idea.
that’s all i can think of atm. hope everything turns out okay.
sorry for the short reply but yeah, i’ve been really trying to get them to keep talking to me. i used to be good at talking to people when in crisis but i’m in crisis myself and just a mess in general and idk what else to do or what to say
sorry you’ve been put into this incredibly stressful situation when you yourself aren’t feeling up to par either. i can only imagine how much obligation and pressure you must feel.
i tried to write the steps such that they were what i would want to hear were i in a crisis situation and not able to access a crisis hotline for myself, so i hope they are of some use to you in figuring out what you can continue to say; things like validation can be said in response to just about any feeling, since all feelings are rational.
again, best of luck to you. wishing you the best and a speedy recovery for your friend.
nono, it’s okay. my main goal was to connect them with irl comrades or a network so that they didnt feel so alone going through this. ik from experience that having someone nearby that can assist is a huge relief. it’s not an obligation or pressure, they’re a comrade and it’s the human thing to do. i just wish i had more energy to extend and take it from there. but when these things happen it’s important to get ppl to help in group. basically, be a community.
YES THANK YOU, it was extremely helpful tho. you reminded me of alot of things. ik it’s the inability to feel like you have control in your own life, so I’m giving them space for now even though it’s not looking up. i just hope they continue to reach out.
they are very serious. it’s a very dangerous situation
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they could make a post on mutual aid, but if they won’t give their payment details I don’t know how people can help.
I’m making this post for them because they have completely given up and dont want any sort of help and idk what to do. I dont think they have an account on here. They’re not letting me help them.
