To me, being on the meds makes me feel… weird? Slightly hollowed out? I can’t find the best words for it, but the whole chorus of sensory input and thoughts and impulses that I’m used to off-meds somewhat quiets down and my head feels a lot emptier.

On the other hand, it has the significant advantage that there is more space for the things I do want to focus on, and I’ve figured out I can sort of fill the void with music. It creates a padding, further suppresses distractions, and I can filter it out quite well if I need to focus more intensely. It slightly depends on how well I know the music, but that’s not a hard-and-fast rule either.

So I admit it’s useful for being productive during the day and by extension good for my self-esteem and mental health if I know I can get stuff done, but I also enjoy when it wears off in the evenings and I sink back into the familiar bustle.

The side effects like heart rate, blood pressure, occasional feeling of anxiety and nervosity out of nowhere and increased sweating suck though. I could really do without them.