And I still kinda long for and mourn the childhood and teenage years of the person I wish that I had been but wasn’t.

This hits so hard. It’s one of the hardest things for me to grapple with. In hindsight, knowing that I knew better, that I knew myself better, but lacked the self-agency to hold to my convictions and fight for my true self. But that’s also a lot to ask of an isolated teen in a rural area so I try to be nice to my past self.