Sounds like 62% of Americans should have voted for the candidate that might have actually made that possible.
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"inhospitably cold" doesn't work for the joke, because it is not common between black holes or January. For one, January isn't cold for everyone on Earth. It's in the middle of summer for the entire Southern hemisphere, for example. And two, black holes, specifically the accretion disk surrounding them, are extremely hot due friction and relativistic speeds.