It's all about the instance. For the Lemmy instance I chose I had to write a few sentences. For mastodon I had to provide a picture of my SubGenius pastor card. I intentionally picked ones that had requirements.
I sick of the red state garbage. Nearly every "red" state has "blue" cities. Stop blaming entire populations, age groups or other demographics. You're just falling for the divide and conquer message they want to use against everyone.
Late to the party, but I've read that OP is going to be the sole admin. Do Not Do This. I admire what you are trying to do, but ultimately, you will have no rest, no vacation, no backup for yourself. The hardware & software aren't the issue here - it is the human support of those services. You will put a single point of failure on yourself, and likewise your peers.
Many of the FOSS projects you mentioned have commercial services. SAAS exists for a reason. By subscribing to those services as a business, you underwrite their ability to provide the software for free to the community. It's a win-win.
check out OPNsense routers and use your existing equipment only as access points. You can then make firewall rules to block them from phoning home. protectli sells some inexpensive models.
This reads like an angry old man complaining how the internet was better back in my day. It may have been better, but it didn't have every human being plus armies of bots. It was not user friendly. It was hard. So hard most people didn't bother with much more than email. Neither is the fediverse easy. Facebook, xitter, reddit, Instagram etc... they are as easy as passively watching television or listening to radio. They require no thought, or even much interaction. There are so many trackers across the web that they already know you and what bullshit you'll eat. That's both their greatest secret to success and their greatest danger to society.
It's all about the instance. For the Lemmy instance I chose I had to write a few sentences. For mastodon I had to provide a picture of my SubGenius pastor card. I intentionally picked ones that had requirements.