THEY are figments of your imagination due to the fever you are running. your mum comes in with chicken soup and sees you fighting imaginary demons. you survive, but your mum tells the story every christmas for the rest of your life.
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the swarm of radical yet safety conscious teacup piglets are wearing helmets. so the skateboard doesnt kill em. but the pocket knife is effectively a sword to them and they die by your hand. you survive and now have enough bacon until the next onslaught