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muffedtrims

@ muffedtrims @lemmy.world

Posts
8
Comments
132
Joined
3 yr. ago

  • Jon Stewart Says He’s “Working on Staying” on as ‘Daily Show’ Host

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  • I enjoy Josh's beginning segments and how he delivers the bits. I think his interviewing skills have opportunity for improvement. Some of the hosts are better interviewers.

  • Yum

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  • That's still pretty dang mustachey

  • Removed Locked

    House Republicans want to strip Zohran Mamdani of citizenship, possibly deport NYC mayoral frontrunner over form omissions

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  • Another Murdoch owned rag.

  • AWS crash causes $2,000 Smart Beds to overheat and get stuck upright

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  • Nestle enters the chat

  • They blamed Trump

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  • 100% Biden's fault

  • I'll take that glorious one on the left

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  • I'll take the serial killer cut

  • Maga is painting Saturday’s protests as violent treason. Prove them wrong

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  • If it isn't antifa, it's BLM, the trans, the gays, or the immigrants. There is always another strawman Boogeyman.

  • Prince Andrew drops Duke of York title as Epstein fallout continues

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  • [META] Thehardtimes.net hasn't posted an article on their website in over a month. Does anyone know what's going on?

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  • Seems they have fallen on hard times

  • Trump issues a Columbus Day proclamation to 'reclaim' the explorer's legacy

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  • Ratcheting that Overton window

  • North Korea displays long-range missile at parade

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  • Wang! Pay attention.

  • Its not a matter of when the fascists will take off their masks. Its a matter of when you will open your eyes.

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  • 💯

  • Texas National Guard arriving in Chicago

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  • No worries, Hegseth is going to whip them into shape post haste!

  • Who messed up the gravity sign?

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  • (SCENE START)

    EXT. GARDEN - DAY

    A middle-aged man, GREG, stands at the end of a long, pristine garden hose. He's trying to water a small flower, but only a pathetic, weak stream dribbles out. He shakes the hose, kicks it, and finally gives up with a sigh of defeat.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)(In a dramatic, reassuring voice)Has low flow got you down? Are you tired of the endless wait... for a satisfying conclusion?

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    INT. KITCHEN - DAY

    Greg's wife, MARTHA, is doing the dishes. Greg is standing at the sink, staring blankly into the basin. She looks at him with concern.

    MARTHAHoney, the faucet is on. What are you doing?

    GREG(Muttering, dejected)Just... contemplating the stream. It's… a metaphor for my life now.

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT

    Greg is in a public restroom. He stands at a urinal, a determined but strained look on his face. Next to him, a younger, much more confident man, CHAD, finishes up with a powerful, satisfyingly loud "whoosh." Chad zips up and winks at Greg on his way out. Greg just looks at his own anemic effort and sighs, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)There was a time when you could unleash a torrent. Now, it’s more of a... trickle.

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

    Greg is sitting in a doctor's office, looking sheepish. The doctor, a no-nonsense woman named DR. EVANS, is holding up a small, branded bottle.

    DR. EVANSWell, Greg, the good news is, there’s an answer.

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    EXT. GARDEN - DAY (REPRISE)

    Greg, now looking confident and rejuvenated, stands at the end of the same garden hose. He turns on the spigot. A mighty, powerful torrent of water erupts, soaking the flower bed, the lawn, and finally, drenching the nosy neighbor, who is looking over the fence. Greg smiles triumphantly.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)Introducing Niagara™. The powerful new solution for low flow.

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    INT. KITCHEN - DAY (REPRISE)

    Martha is at the sink. Greg walks in, a mischievous look on his face. He turns on the faucet, and a magnificent, forceful stream of water sprays into the sink. Martha looks at him, a spark of pride in her eyes.

    MARTHAWell, look at that. Someone’s got their flow back.

    GREG(Winking)Just needed a little Niagara™.

    (SCENE SWITCH)

    NARRATOR (V.O.)So, if low flow has you feeling like a slow leak...

    (FADE TO BLACK)

    (Superimposed text on screen: NIAGRA™ - Restore the Torrent.)

    NARRATOR (V.O.)...ask your doctor if Niagara™ is right for you.

    (Superimposed text on screen: ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF NIAGARA™ IS RIGHT FOR YOU.)

    (VOICEOVER: RAPID-FIRE LEGAL DISCLAIMER)Side effects may include... a sudden urge to water plants excessively, an increased desire to use public restrooms, and a higher-than-average water bill. In rare cases, Niagara™ may cause spontaneous car washing, sprinkler-related incidents, and an unexpected interest in decorative fountains.

    (The sound of a powerful, rushing waterfall fades in and out)

    (SCENE END)

  • "Join ICE today" ad at university

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  • Our tax dollars hard at work buying google ad space. FREEDUMB!

  • America’s influencers suspiciously all start endorsing feudalism

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  • Trump threatens 100% tariff on foreign-made movies

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  • Is this because he can't read subtitles fast enough to keep up with the story?

  • Trump Posts an Absolutely Bonkers AI Video in Which He Promotes a Magic ‘Med Bed’ That Can Cure Any Disease

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  • Did he just offer universal healthcare in this video? Is this the healthcare plan that we've been promised would be ready in two weeks to replace Obamacare?

  • "So, you're saying a third of the stock market is tied up in seven AI companies that have no way to become profitable and that this is a bubble that's going to burst...?"

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  • I've chosen to put everything into gourd futures.