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klu9

@ klu9 @lemmy.ca

Posts
60
Comments
486
Joined
1 yr. ago

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  • But obviously that will be rescinded at some point because:

    [on the two fighters tracking Red Dwarf]

    • Holly: They're from Earth.
    • Lister: That's 3 million years away.
    • Holly: They're from the Norweb Federation.
    • Lister: What's that?
    • Holly: The North Western Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
    • Lister: Me? Why? What for?
    • Holly: For your crimes against humanity.
    • Lister: You what?
    • Holly: It seems when you left Earth, 3 million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen. Do you know what happens to sausages left unattended for 3 million years?
    • Lister: Yeah, they go mouldy.
    • Holly: Your sausages, Dave, now cover seven-eights of the Earth's surface. Also, you left £17.50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you've hoarded it for 3 million years, nobody's got any money except for you and Norweb.
    • Lister: Why Norweb?
    • Holly: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here for £180 billion.

  • A good rule of thumb at this point, honestly

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  • State of the Union

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  • He should be in the uniform of the Democratic Order Of Planets, given that he is Zapp Brannigan made flesh (but orangier).

  • US to ban Canadians from entering border friendship library

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  • Eventually, a Berlin-style wall, with ICE agents gunning down any citizens disloyal enough to try to escape to Canada.

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    😳 tfw you find out your literal window runs linux

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  • Your screen.

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  • And getting rid of regressive VAT for progressive income tax would probably be a vote winner, too.

  • 'Sad' Continues To Be Redefined.

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  • Is there a way to find the complete list of donors... and forward it to Luigi?

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    Canada upsets Puerto Rico and Washington DC by cutting statehood line [Satire]

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  • I just could not parse the headline for the life of me, and didn't get it until I read TFA.

    "Is there some kind of... connection between Canada and PR, like a figurative umbilical cord, and that's getting severed?"

    Reads TFA. "Oh, FFS, you mean "jumping statehood queue"! Canadian headline written in bloody USian! You're not helping your cause, mate!"

    (jk. Fuck Trump. ¡Viva Canadá libre!)

  • Tulsi Gabbard Reused the Same Weak Password on Multiple Accounts for Years

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  • Plausible deniability for when it's discovered her accounts are controlled from Moscow?

    "Oh, I must have been hacked cuz weak passwords. That's why my account sent our classified war plans to Putin."

  • When someone accuses you of covering up bad hair.

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  • (Needs more space between the middle and ring fingers)

  • When someone accuses you of covering up bad hair.

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  • Soon: things are being twerked on.

  • An original, entirely unoriginal meme.

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  • Tits out Teal'c to the max!

  • An original, entirely unoriginal meme.

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  • Is that an established term? "Tits out Teal'c"? Cuz if it ain't, it totally should be. :D

  • An original, entirely unoriginal meme.

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  • Yes, Ben Browder was in Farscape.

  • Harassed by Assassin’s Creed gamers, a professor fought back with kindness

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  • I've gotta see that movie, sounds great.

  • Cowboys in the Wild West were pioneers

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  • Reverse the hilarity.

  • It's a classic!

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  • Classic? Give me a New Coke (or even a Pepsi Free), not Classic!

  • Harassed by Assassin’s Creed gamers, a professor fought back with kindness

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  • It's starting to feel a bit timey-wimey.

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  • "Oi, time loop. Why don't you make like a tree and fuck off?"