So long as we keep pretending decorum and methodology matters more than intent and we keep insisting on civility over decency, we’re just doing the same damn shit.

Yeah, I really think that is the key to this. Because, to be frank, I think civility should be enforced in certain communities --- not everywhere, necessarily --- but, obviously, people that play the game while harming the community need to be excluded regardless. Civility matters, but decency civility, every time.