Jack of random trades at random times that randomly catch my interest for a random amount of time.
When it comes to my own life and personality, I have developed certain goggles that prevent me from looking at myself, as I don't necessarily want to see what's there...
The 50 question test was the exact one I took before, but I had another go. This time 29, instead of 28. I mean, it would be perfectly logical that I am just antisocial, introverted, ADHD, and bi-polar (a new addition).
I guess it really does get difficult to tell later on in life, when you've developed and refined your social mask. Mine is all cracked and rusty because I went recluse for nearly 5 years (never left the apartment but maybe once every few months).
The nurse today told me that "everyone has an excuse for something" and that she had depression but she didn't label it bi-polar. I was a little shocked, because I've gotten along with this nurse very well. I didn't mention it to the doctor, because he wasn't my normal doctor. My normal doctor was on vacation.
I need someone who'll take me seriously and not give me a "buck up, champ" and a pat on the back...
I stared at the ground as a kid and teen. As an adult I learned to look people directly in the eye when talking to them. However... as a kid... too much emotion. I couldn't stand to see faces because one look into the crowd and I could tell the dynamic and the feelings of others. At least as an adult everyone has a mask. Though I tend to unsettled people. I don't look at them when talking to them. I look at them.
Actually, my cousin's son has autism. We had a couple drinks around the fire and she started talking to me about it. She had no idea how to approach it. He's like 17 and she still didn't really know him.
I spent all most of the night explaining why he did certain things, or at least why I thought he did from personal experience. His big thing was faces. He didn't like them. However, he came up to me and started going down a rabbit hole of trains. I like old trains, too, so we spent the rest of the night deep in that conversation.
He never had trouble looking me in the face. The reason I think? I have spent my whole life trying to find a way to make my face kind. I have an angry face. It goes beyond just displeased, I look outright mutinous when I relax my face, lol. But I try to be kind, quiet, and courteous and have spent years trying to translate that to my face.
Yeah, they said it unnerved them at how uncanny it was. That I was the exact same spectrum placement as her and that meeting someone of the exact same type of autism almost never happens.
I'm glad I met them. I might have gone my whole life not knowing or even thinking to look. I can notice the same thing, as well. We just talk and talk and we naturally understand our conversation queues, which is crazy rare for me. I agree with them, it's pretty unsettling. Like looking in a mirror and seeing a different face staring back.
This is a good take to have, and thank you for the practical response. I show all the signs of BPD as well, as my girlfriend pointed out to me. I go tomorrow to reassess the Abilify with my doctor, as it's unsustainable. I only sleep 2-4 hours a day on it.
It makes sense. I have all the classic signs of ADHD, particularly loving to start projects and hating to finish them. I enjoy the peaceful worlds of beginnings, but get fairly impatient with the middles and ends of things.
BPD I'm looking into soon. I have had a constant of every sign of it. I think that's why the Abilify helps so much. I don't think I'm an idiot for talking and no longer cringe at the me from yesterday. I'm also not terrified of being left alone in the world. It's a wonderful feeling.
Don't forget Lutris. It may take a bit more tinkering than Steam, but if you have loose games or use multiple games launchers, Lutris can combine them all into one neat and tidy launcher.
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And I rest my case, lol. I don't even know the difference between init and initramfs. It's definitely a hole in my knowledge and I should know it going down the line, but I need the right time.
I'm here and there on what I want to learn at any moment. It's not like I can't learn, but it's all about what interests me at the time. I learn things in a scattered manner, which admittedly is a horrible way to learn but its just how my brain works.
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I'm a very mid-level Linux user. I use systemd because I'm just not familiar with how init systems actually work. I love that the choice is there, but I think systemd has it's place with users like me that get confused.
That being said, I did run Dracut on EndeavourOS because it was recommended for that distro. I never dived into it to see what the exact difference was, though I do remember running into some things I needed to do that Dracut did differently. There may come a day when I dive into inits, but for now I'm just happy if my system boots to desktop.
You're not wrong, though. If you want all your packages to work correctly, you gotta stay up to date. I know some of my packages will break if I go more than a week.
Yesterday I read about RATs becoming more frequent in the AUR in some packages. They predict that they're going to become more frequent soon. I'm wondering if it might be time to switch my main machine to NixOS now. I may check out Bazzite and Nobara first, though.
However, I guess Arch is doing something to protect against these? It's going to be part of BumpBuddy.
Yeah, that checks out. I think there's other ways of doing it, I just never manages to get it working. I'll have to check again, but I thought KDE had something in the system settings that let you swap versions. I could be just misremembering the kernel swap settings though.
There's also some nvidia command hoodoo I tried and everything went well except at the end where I wound up with no graphical output at all, lol. I did a lot of messing around on fresh installs until the cord swap finally worked.
Yeah, it does make sense that you can compare them in that sense, but as far as actual system setup goes, I don't think they're comparable. Don't get me wrong, I love NixOS. When I was learning nixlang and setting up everything to be modular and reproducible, I was having a blast.
However, I also had a blast learning Arch and figuring out how my system works the way it does. I'll be honest, though, NixOS helped me learn how Home was separate from Root. That alone really helped me learn how the general Linux system file hierarchy worked.
But there are also things I would have never learned about Linux if I never messed with Arch, such as essential system symlinks, how they work, and how to use chroot in the live environment to fix broken ones (thanks to a botched Arch update, lol).
If you like it, learn it-use it. All this comparing and inter-distro warring seems pointless. There's not a distro I've used that I haven't had things I really liked and really hated.
I had some weird artifacting issues in an older version of Nvidia proprietary. While viewing certain windows or colors, my screen would flicker, or else I would get weird diagonal lines across my whole screen.
I went nuts trying to figure it out. In the end since I started on Pop!_OS, I just easily rolled back to a previous version of the proprietary drivers and called it good. Well, later I wanted to try EndeavourOS. I was too noob to figure how to roll back the drivers there.
So a friend asked me, "Are you using display port or HDMI? Try the other one." I highly doubted that would fix anything, but for the sake of trying everything, I switched to HDMI. And well... fuck me if it didn't work. I've just been running HDMI ever since.
I'm more in the group of Nix != Arch. They're just different. I love them both, tbh.
I would like to add that I have never recommended them to beginners. I usually like to recommend Pop!_OS.
I really have been wanting to try Bazzite lately, too.
You should try it.iusearchbtw
Note taking has it's place, but I agree. Once you go from note taking into crippling habitual hivemind its lost the main point. The time I spent on making my notes look amazing and growing my thought library rather than working on executing my actual ideas was getting insane.
I've seen some of the Obsidian maxi's graphs in tutorial videos. There are people that have spent literal weeks of their precious time on these massive dot-to-line hoards. It really becomes literal e-hoarding. Like counseling levels of bad habit. Then they hold these humongous, continent-sized graphs up like a trophy. Mine's bigger than yours. Whip it out and prove it.
Now I only jot ideas I want to remember later if I'm in the middle of something, write down dreams I may forget (or nightmares, as it helps me calm down and analyze them logically), and keep to my diet and shopping lists.
I really don't need more than that. Any reminders or schedules go in my android FOSS calendar (Etar).
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We may put up our hats for a while, but we never pull in the sails.
Translation: I'm more than happy to pay for a fair service, but I'm not stupid enough to believe it will last.
Yeah, I was diagnosed with severe chronic anxiety, but I also have an ADHD diagnosis from when I was a kid and tested for autism. When I broke my tailbone and they gave me oxycodone, it was bliss. I could just focus and really lock in to things that interested me. It comforted me.
I could only take 5mg. Any time I tried 10mg I panicked. So, when I ran out, I looked for an alternative that could do the same thing and found Kratom. I don't recommend it, really. That's why I'm still working with my doctor. I want to get off it.
Hasn't helped me yet, but that's because I haven't found a med that doesn't give me wild side effects.
- SSRIs - Nightmares, anorgasmia, RLS, insomnia leading into mania.
- SNRIs - Sleeping nearly 20 hours a day for a week. Also had a real side effect called something like "excessive disrupting and disturbing yawning" where I would constantly have yawn attacks and could not stop yawning for ten minutes. It actually drove me into a panic attack because it was messing up my breathing.
- NDRIs - This was a wild one. I was angry and combative. I wanted to destroy everything I touched and I didn't even care.
I'm going back tomorrow to tell the doc that the SNRIs didn't work, so hopefully I can try something else. Right now I have hydroxyzine as needed and it somewhat works, but it also causes nightmares for me as well if I take it too late, which kind of kills the point of taking it on sleepless nights.
At this point I've just been continuing Kratom. But again, I can't take it at night due to vivid nightmares. Seems like anything that ups my serotonin does it to me.
I'm not sure how fast the pacman repo updates, but I'm using that plus Syncthing-Fork from F-Droid. I don't think they've dropped 2.0 in there, yet.
Looks like the Arch Syncthing package upstream URL is the official Syncthing and is running 2.0.1. I can now confirm that 1.x from Syncthing-Fork works fine with Syncthing 2.0. I just set it up this morning, oddly enough.
I can sort of live in society, but I'm so self critical that every time I talk I think, "Wow, I just don't shut up," and wind up obsessing over it. Either that or I overshare and feel like an idiot. This eventually led me to recluse away from society and I then became a major burden on my fiancee and stressed my relationship near breaking point.
Not to mention I have a hard time listening to anything when in the middle of something. I can't switch gears like others can. Either I listen and lose the thread of where I was or I pretend to listen, realize I did it, and apologize profusely.
However, I can still function at a basic level. Just day by day of going through the motions of what I think a human being should act like.