You probably have anxiety and depression that is being further induced from self medicating. Sober up for a year and then revisit trying to find an SO. You’re going to need to figure out how to be happy with yourself.
I can’t help but think that my 40s is going to be more focused on hoarding money so I can be “done” with work. Fortunately I don’t think I’ll be devoting the entire decade to it, but a good half of it.
Find an MMO that runs on whatever potato you have or can afford. Then join a guild. Then participate in raiding.
That can potentially kill a few birds with one stone.