I promise you, I equally hate having to say sorry all the time.
It doesn't matter though, because I will fuck up in an unacceptable way with someone I love or who has power over me, and I will have to manage that moment some how.
In that moment if I cannot guarantee I will not repeat a similar kind of action that created the problem again, I am left with no agency except to attempt to express the fact that it emotionally impacted me that I hurt that person with my fuck up.
I really don't think people are understanding my point here. It is so easy to say "Nobody wants to hear apologies" because it is so self evidently true, but that is precisely what makes apologies one of the most practical forms of poetry. You have to impact someone with your words when the last thing they want in the world are words.
People can handwave away everything I am saying as overthinking it or trying to manipulate people but frankly when you consider people's actual lived experiences it is absurd to claim this isn't a problem we all have to solve almost every day of our lives even if the stakes aren’t usually existential. If we were biologists studying any other animal we would quickly conclude that making genuinely impactful apologies that stay don’t overstay their welcome is one of the most important skills of social interaction in our species.
It just feels good to say the words "Nobody wants to hear an apology" because yes, every single one of us can immediately conjure the feeling of aggressively wanting action not words. That is why most of the time apologies don't work, that doesn't mean they aren't frequently our only option (that we take with a rational understanding of it being a low probability of success strategy). The cultural blindspot people have about this when discussing human interactions in the abstract is exhausting.
I hope this also kills the centrist obsession with "both sides"-ing every political controversy where people on the left are screaming at the top of their lungs "PLEASE SAVE THEM" and people on the right are screaming "KILL THEM ALL" and then sternly scolding the "please save them" crowd that this isn't the right time and place for that kind of rhetoric and anyways it unnecessarily divides us and gives the "kill them all" people even more power.
I don't think its pushing it too far if that is what you are saying, I think their problem is a fundamental one of not understanding the difference between respecting yourself/others and getting off.
If you understand when you are getting yourself off (and that might be a really non-sexual thing, I am using this broadly) you have the agency to get yourself off without hurting yourself or others and more importantly to actually focus on getting yourself off in a way that is best for you.
If you understand when you are participating in an internalized stereotype about yourself, you have the agency to step back and consider whether there might be a different arrangement of those desires and fears that was much healthier for you and everyone around you that still satisfied whatever is animating that stereotype within you.
Or to put it another way, trad-wife people don't understand the basic reason that community theater can be so rewarding, acting as a character can be a powerful way of experiencing reality and deepens the experience of the human condition but actors are adults about it and realize the difference between playing a character on stage and being an asshole in real life (most of the time they do, damn actors can be full of themselves sometimes though hahaha).
Yeah exactly because those losers think being trans is inherently toxic in the way basing your personality around perpetuating sexist narratives about women is.
Tradwife influencers seem like people who don’t understand how having a kink works and mistakenly craft their identity around an aspect of a kink that is toxic when applied outside the bubble of consent and play with a trusted partner.
In a democracy one of the very most important choices that must be made by citizens is what other nations are considered allies or an enemies.
The funny thing is that US citizens have absolutely zero control over who the government decides is our enemy or ally. That aspect of government is entirely partitioned off as separate from the “democracy”, as if the foreign policy element of our government was itself a foreign nation we have no control over.
While we are on the topic, fuck the government of Saudi Arabia and Israel, both governments are horrendously violent.
Huh, weird, you know I seem to only have "technical issues" about understanding how in capitalism you have to actually purchase the products you take from shelves when I am exiting Walmart stores.
Once I get near the door I just get all of sudden get confused about thinking that Walmart must be a government run care facility, I mean taxpayers subsidize Walmart's entire workforce because they don't pay a living wage to any of them, can you really blame me for my confusion?? Sometimes I end up thinking crazy thoughts like Walmart wants me to take some things for free because they feel sorry for obliterating the local businesses I used to frequent in my community (and the associated good quality jobs).
Sometimes confusion gets the best of us I guess, we are all fallible people including Walmart™ which as we all know, is indeed a person.
Absolutely, no disagreement there, especially in the US bus systems are our best hope in many respects (honestly even fossil fuel burning busses have to be orders of magnitude better for the environment than everyone driving EV cars) but if the choice is between EV cars and gas cars the choice is clear.
We are in the middle of a climate crisis where every year of inaction dooms countless to death or at the very least catastrophically reduced quality of life.
It is absolutely one of the few things that is actually black and white.
Is China playing unfair? Yes, but it really doesn’t matter at this point, they are making more EVs and the correct response at this point is just to do the same.
Do you genuinely think if I did have serious problems that this kind of attitude and response would do anything other than make me feel more shame and make it less likely I would get help?
The clearly implied meaning of using “Congratulations” in your post is to convey an ironic sense of surprise at something that isn’t surprising or new, and that most other people (or at least you) have known for a long time.
Why would you use “Congratulations” in this context for any other purpose than condescension?
I mean I don’t even care that much but I don’t get why you are denying it?
Gotta love this framing that is trying to get me to see China as the big bad rival.
Like, we are in a climate emergency, great if China makes a bunch of solar panels and drives down the cost, it’s the US’s fault for not recognizing that this is an emergency too and responding by subsidizing solar production in the US to the point that China’s actions weren’t a problem.
If we were talking about graphics cards, or luxury cars, or something else that wasn’t trying to combat catastrophic climate change I might feel differently, but in this context things are so desperate that it is as simple as More Solar Panels = Good
It is as simple as the fact that being banned from a Lemmy instance does not shutdown access to all of Lemmy’s communities like it does with Reddit.
This allows actual, messy, contextualized moderation to happen within communities according to the values of those communities without creating broader distortions in a global moderation policy and enforcement scheme.
In other words there are unfortunately transphobic communities on Reddit and Lemmy, but the difference is there are also (many) communities on Lemmy that if you start spouting transphobic bullshit a moderator will unceremoniously and fairly quickly shut you down without a bunch of techbro handwringing about censorship or general apathy towards violence against trans people.
This aspect does in fact make Lemmy clearly better than Reddit on the whole, because this is a fundamental issue to social networks and communities.
I can identify a lot of things in a minute.
Doesn’t mean I’m not a bullshitter.