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cobysev

@ cobysev @lemmy.world

Posts
18
Comments
483
Joined
3 yr. ago

  • Does anyone else feel like life's been on pause for too long?

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  • Well, I did serve throughout the Iraq War. I got some PTSD from my time in war zones that is a 70% disability rating alone. Plus several minor and major physical injuries over the years that I never fully recovered from.

    The VA doesn't do a direct addition when it comes to disability, so a 10% rating and a 10% rating doesn't equal a 20% rating overall. They have some weird equation to calculate disability, which would probably bring it out to 12-15% disability total. But I had so many claims to submit, I made it all the way to 100%.

    I thought I had maybe 2-3 medical claims to make when I retired. But I spoke with a VA counselor who spent 3 hours pouring over my 20 years of medical records in the military, then went over every single body part and asked detailed questions about my functionality and how it's potentially degraded over the years since I joined the military. By the end, I had 33 claims to submit, and the VA accepted 30 of them. Enough small ratings (plus a few large ones) got me all the way to 100%.

    I may not look disabled if you met me in person, but I am struggling, both mentally and physically. The VA actually fixed my knees; I was walking with a cane for the last 4 years I was in the military. But it's not a perfect fix, so I still struggle to get around and I can't run anymore without pain. But I don't need a cane anymore, so there's that.

  • Does anyone else feel like life's been on pause for too long?

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  • YOU ARE ONLY 38?!

    I was 38 when I retired three years ago, actually. I'm about to turn 41 in a few months. Sorry if I didn't write that clearly in my comment.

    The first few years going home feels like nothing ever changes but I recently went to my home town for a wedding and saw some friends for the first time in 15 years. Wow did the passage of time hit me like a truck.

    I feel this. In my early years of the military, I used to take a month off every year and go home to chill with family and friends. The first few years of that, it was like nothing changed. But then I started dating my future wife and spending my time off traveling and honeymooning with her. When I did finally go home again, I almost didn't recognize it. My friends and family had moved further away, my hometown had changed, everything was suddenly different.

  • Does anyone else feel like life's been on pause for too long?

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  • True, 38 isn't that old. But keep in mind, I'm 100% disabled according to the VA. Two decades of military service has wrecked my body, so I'm unable to work any physically demanding job. Heck, I struggle just to go up and down stairs in my own house without pain in my knees and back.

    Which is a shame, because I was an extremely fit and active person in my youth. That's part of the reason I joined the military - I was in the best shape of my life and could keep active all day without breaking a sweat. I'm actually frustrated now that just walking from my house to my mailbox takes me out of action for an hour or two.

    I keep telling myself I'm young, but my body's acting like it's 80 years old. That's the one downside to military service; it can easily overstress your joints and physically age you much faster than normal.

  • Does anyone else feel like life's been on pause for too long?

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  • This is a compartmentalization technique seen in a lot in people with ADHD. Not saying OP has ADHD, but it's something to look into if they have other signs.

    I did this for literal decades. I was excited to start my adult life after high school, but an opportunity I couldn't pass up dropped into my lap, so I chose that route instead.

    Joining the US military was that opportunity. My uncle explained how the Air Force had taken care of him for 30 years, giving him free food, free lodging, free education, free travel around the globe, free medical and dental, and a steady, decent paycheck on top of it all. It sounded too good to be true, so I signed up as well. I figured I could get back to my plans for adult life later, after I'd taken advantage of all the benefits the military could offer me.

    20 years later (3 years ago), I retired from the Air Force. It was a pretty stressful career, in a positive way, so I was glad to get home, relax a bit, then finally pick up my life where I left off.

    The things is, a lot happens in 2 decades. All my friends had left town and moved on to new lives, new careers, created new families, etc. my own family had mostly moved away, except for my dad who was still living in my childhood home. He offered to let my wife and I stay with him rent free as long as we wanted. He passed away last year and I inherited the house from him.

    So now I'm back in my childhood home, just starting to really get settled back in and trying to figure out what to do with myself. I feel like my life has been on hold for so long, I don't even know where to start in picking things back up again. I'm not young anymore, so a lot of the physically active jobs and hobbies I was previously interested in are either difficult or impossible for me now. I also changed a lot mentally with 20 years of military service. I'm not the same person I was at 18, so I have to readjust my interests and hobbies.

    Fortunately, I have a lifelong pension from the military. I was grandfathered into the old pension program before they switched to a 401K-type plan, so I get paid half my final paycheck every month for the rest of my life. I also got the coveted "100% Permanent & Total" disability rating from the VA, so that is an additional monthly payment for life that's about double the size of my pension. Plus free medical and dental for life. My wife didn't retire from the military, but she also got the 100% P&T disability rating, so she gets the same medical pay and benefits as me.

    So with all this passive income, we can actually be retired, as of 38 years old, and have the free time every day to focus on rediscovering our lives. I don't feel like I need to put my life on pause while I work a job I don't necessarily care for, or save up enough money for something I really want to do. I can live my life fully now, unpaused, for the first time in my life. It's been very liberating, both mentally and physically.

  • Path of least resistance

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  • I enjoy the Desire Paths community here on Lemmy. It's so interesting to see what paths people take contrary to what paths are laid out for them.

  • Do you overthink your Steam categories or are you normal?

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  • I want categories like this, but I already have categories for each franchise. Anything that's related to a franchise goes into a category named for that franchise. Even if it's just a game and its soundtrack. That way, everything for a particular game is kept contained and I know what's related to what. If I have a random "dev tools" installer in my library, I figure out what game it's for (thanks to SteamDB.info and it goes into a category along with that game.

    I do have a separate category for simulation games, but only because I love simulators and have tons of them. Outside of that, any attempt to make genre categories has just further confused my library. So for not, I just have hundreds of categories for specific games and their included content and/or sequels.

  • Removed

    Lol🥴

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  • I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I think the sequel was better.

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  • Only worth it if Christopher Lee plays the werewolf.

  • what exercises work for you to avoid back pain?

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  • I've been shaving since I was 12 years old (I'm 40 now). For most of those shaving years, I liked to get really close to the mirror, to ensure I didn't miss a spot, so I always leaned far over the sink to get that close shave.

    Unbeknownst to me, spending decades leaning unsupported over the sink for 7-10 minutes every morning gave me very strong lower back muscles, which also helped to stabilize my core. I never had back problems, even when all my friends, family, and coworkers started to develop back pain later in life.

    About 7 years ago, I discovered the wonders of shaving in the shower. I put a small mirror on my shower wall and shaved without all the additional hassle of cleaning a sink and counter. It was wonderful... except I wasn't doing my morning lower back routine because I could stand upright, right next to the mirror. My lower back started getting weaker over time.

    About 4 years ago, I slipped while going down my stairs and landed hard, injuring my back. I used to be able to bounce back from a fall like that, but I actually had to go to the ER to ensure I hadn't broken something; I couldn't even sit up straight without pain.

    The pain lessened but never really went away and I found myself finally stuck with permanent back pain.

    I'm considering getting rid of my shower mirror and shaving over the sink like I used to, to help rebuild my lower back muscles and better support my spine. My wife deals with permanent back pain thanks to degenerative disc disease, and the things that helps her the most is building a stronger core and lower back muscles, to take the support away from the areas that want to cause pain.

  • I never realized this

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  • A coworker of mine did this. He and his new wife took parts of their last names and blended them together to create a unique new last name for both of them.

  • Reviews describe it as "Nearly invincible and invulnerable", but did they toddler test it?

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  • We used these ToughBooks on deployments in the US military about 20 years ago. One of the guys in my unit tested it by slowly driving a Humvee over it. It still worked. Screen was a little cracked, though.

  • Self hosted solution for phone photo backup

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  • I think it was paid.... But it's been years so I couldn't tell you.

    It's currently $3.99 in the Play Store for me, with a crossed-out list price of $6.49. Not a bad deal.

  • Deleted

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  • Got me. 🤗 Poor spelling/grammar is a pet peeve of mine, but it's so hard to point out online without getting a lot of hate. I only responded here because it was topical and, I assumed, intentional.

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  • I dare you to proof that its dead.

    I don't know if this comment was intentionally improper, but...

    • prove
    • it's

  • Japan to transfer $3 billion from frozen Russian assets to Ukraine, Zelenskyy says

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  • Why are there so many articles that drop the second Y from his name? It's Zelenskyy. I haven't seen an article on Lemmy in the past couple weeks that spelled his name right.

  • Zelensky condemns Russian 'inhumane' Christmas attack on energy grid

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  • His last name has two Y's. Zelenskyy. I don't know why there are so many articles dropping that second Y now, but I've seen a bunch of them on Lemmy in the past few weeks.

  • not_metric_irl

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  • It's been known for almost 40 years

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  • For the most part, I just avoid topics I know will upset her, and I try to keep the conversation on topics I know she appreciates. It's just peacekeeping at this point. I feel like I lost her long ago and all I can do is try to keep her happy now. It's rough because I lost my father earlier this year and all I have left is my mother and sister, but they're both deeply conservative people and shut down any topics they're uncomfortable with instead of having open, honest discussion.

    There are the occasional fights when I'm trying to relay something important and my mother won't listen. Like the fact that I'm fully retired as of 38 years old, only because I'm a 100% disabled veteran will full medical/dental benefits for life. But Trump plans to eliminate the VA benefits program and privatize our hospitals. Which means I won't be able to afford to live anymore and I'll need to find a job. This severely affects my life, but my mom doesn't believe it will happen and she doesn't want to discuss it further. I basically need to become homeless and destitute before she'll believe me, and even then she'll probably have an excuse about how this is thanks to some obscure program Biden set up in the past.

    Outside of my mother (and sister), though, I'm uncompromising. If I meet someone like my mother, I do my best to talk with them and have a meaningful conversation. If they won't allow it, then I'm done with that person. I won't keep people like that in my life; having to deal my mother is stressful enough.

    You may ask why I keep my mother and sister in my life at all. The truth is, I grew up in a very loving, caring family and I've always gotten along with my family members well. I love them all and they love me too. I'm not going to let political discourse destroy my family, and I'll still be here to help them when political decisions affect their lives. My sister even told me she'll gladly take in my wife and I if we do end up homeless due to some policy change.

    It's just frustrating that I feel like I need to wear a mask in front of my mother and sister now. I'm not as open with them as I used to be and it eats away at me because I care for them so much.

  • It's been known for almost 40 years

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  • My mother was one of the most intelligent people I know; she had a genius-level IQ and always seemed to know how to handle any situation with grace and efficiency. She was the breadwinner in our family, making much more than my dad and supporting our family well. She was my role model growing up, and thanks to her, I prefer strong, independent, intellectual women in my life.

    In her old age though, she's moved in next to her favorite brother whom she idolizes, a hero back in his day. (Firemen chief who's always been aggressively involved in his community and can fix/build anything.) Unfortunately, he's extremely pro-Trump and has convinced my mother that anything progressive is evil and "the way things used to be" is far superior to any "modern crap."

    My mother now argues vehemently against any programs that help her out in old age, she attacks progressive politicians and projects, and she immediately shuts down conversation if I mention anything about politics, even just stating neutral facts like "Trump won the presidency." I just can't get through to her anymore.

    On top of that, she doesn't handle controversy well anymore. My wife and I had one minor disagreement in front of her (not even raised voices, more or less an argument, just working through a misunderstanding) and she practically blew up at both of us, claiming we put her in an uncomfortable spot and she didn't want to be stuck listening to us "fight." Which prevented us from resolving our disagreement in a healthy manner and led to my wife and I having an actual fight later.

    I've learned to be happy and cheerful around my mother and never bring anything decisive to her. Let her enjoy her final days in ignorant bliss. It hurts because I can't be myself around her. I can't have difficult discussions with her anymore and I can't go to her with my own problems. She's no longer the voice of logic and reason. There's nothing wrong with her cognitively; she's still all there in the head. She's just so rooted in her conservative belief structure that she won't accept me unless I'm the "perfect son." And that sucks.