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- 2 yr. ago
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I inherited a 1960s MGB and this is absolutely true. It feels like you're barreling around corners, but the speedometer only reads 10 MPH.
It claims to have 18k users. I didn't see their criteria for "active", though.
I'm a microbiologist. That's pretty normal. Things that look smooth and even when viewed normally frequently look different when significantly magnified. Your eyes can't resolve the fine details so your brain fills in the gaps.
It's a prepared cheese product! My uncle used to work at a factory that made it so I know their process.
It was only about 40% cheese, and the cheese utilized was a blend of the bits left over from making things like cheese sticks. This was combined with milk, milk proteins, and several emulsifiers to keep it from separating into oil and solids as it solidifies and again if it's melted.
Even the US won't allow it to be called cheese. It's called a "pasteurized prepared cheese product" because it doesn't contain enough cheese to legally call itself cheese or any variant of processed cheese.
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As an asexual girl who still wants a male partner, would “scheduled sex” be a dealbreaker for men?
All men are people but some men are more people than others.
I know more than I care to about POTS and what you're describing is pretty severe. Have you pursued a formal diagnosis and/or treatment? Feel free to hit me up if you haven't and want assistance there. It'll likely require some self advocacy which can be difficult, especially at first.
You may know this already, but POTS is frequently comorbid with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS). I have it, hence why I'm familiar with all this. If that is or may be your situation too, addressing the MCAS often helps with POTS problems.
My family dynamic was also similar to yours, so I know how awful it can be. The chronic stress is actually what got me sick. I'm sorry you're dealing with it now. I have resources that have helped me deal with repairing all that trauma and I'd be happy to share.
Feel free to ask anything if you have any questions!
Yep, SDM has the right of it. One of the hardest things I had to learn is how to do nothing at all, how to be comfortable with discomfort. I always wanted to do something about intense feelings, something to act on them or make them go away. Once I learned to sit with my feelings, just seeing how I feel without any intent to judge, analyze, or do anything about them, the feelings became less intense and they'd fade much faster because I'd think about them so much less.
It's investing in your emotional wellbeing: it's hard at first, but future you will be happy you did as the benefits compound.
Hi! CPTSD, ADHD, and GAD here. You sound a lot like me in my early twenties, except you know you have CPTSD, maybe BPD-lite, and have the self-awareness and courage to ask for help. Internet high five, that's awesome! Seriously, I didn't get to where you are at for about another five years.
I'm going to call out some points of concern. I'm not trying to be a jerk or cruelly critical, it's just what I'd worry about with myself or a friend. Feel free to ask questions: I'm about three decades ahead of you, so I have a fair bit of personal experience with working on these sorts of struggles.
we’ve talked about ideal futures and relationships and shes hinted that she wonders if she would be happier with someone whos more like her and talked about what it would be like breaking up with her bf.
Consider how you'd feel if she was your girlfriend and was discussing things like this or generally acting the way she was with you with another person. A person's behavior in past relationships is a decent predictor of future behavior. In other words, she'd likely do it to you too.
Her bf got uncomfortable with the time she spends with me and ive noticed her pulling back
She's changing her behavior but isn't discussing it with you. I suspect that's either her being uncomfortable talking about it and avoiding doing so, a "communication skills" red flag, or she isn't aware she's doing it at all, which is a "self-awareness" red flag. That's two of the most important elements of any relationship: knowing what you think, need, want, and feel, and clearly communicating it.
shes literally perfect
I see multiple big warning signs about her just from what you've shared and I'm sure future you will as well. I see others have brought up limerence. Friendo, I am 99% certain that you're limerencing hard. People like us tend to feel a LOT. There's nothing wrong with that and when it's healthy, it's just the best! It's something to learn to work with, though. I've developed methods to work with it as do many other folks like us. Lean on us some. We don't want you to hurt.
shes the only person i talk to this much at all i dont have anyone to tell about these feelings.
I’ve been feeling really suicidal for the first time in a longtime and everything around this has been driving me to extreme emotional instability.
I just feel really alone right now and all i want is to know i matter to her like she matters to me but all my brain can think of is how worthless i am and that if i were better she would love me.
I dont know how i get through this im constantly facing abandonment fears and wanting to isolate myself to get ahead of them and have been wanting to die to escspe it all i dont know how to cope with feelings like this i just freeze.
As someone who has felt all of this, literally ALL of this, you DO NOT want to start a relationship if this where you're at now. Why?
Cliche but true advice: you can't be truly happy with someone else if you can't be truly happy by yourself.
Add to this that it's so, soooo difficult to learn to be happy by yourself if you're in a relationship that's acting as an emotional bandage over abandonment and anxious attachment issues (ask me how I know). It will set a tone of codependence, tying much of your stability into your perception of another person's validation of you. That's so hard on your mental, emotional, and even physical health, and it's difficult for your partner too as that's a ton of pressure for them, even if they initially enjoy it (ask me how I know. Again.). Having your partner as your primary source of support can be a nightmare. If something happens to them, that means you lose ALL that support. Had a fight and they're angry? Support pause. She goes camping? Support be gone! You two split up? Massive, permanent support loss at the time you need it most. Plus being open to that level of emotional dependence makes you like catnip for abusers (ask me how I know. Again again. Yeah, mistakes were made.).
This probably isn't what you want to hear, but what I think you need to hear is: please avoid serious romantic relationships until you feel confident in your psychological health. Until then, you're much more likely to hurt yourself and others, and others are more likely to hurt you. Healthy relationships are built on stability and magnify that stability, whereas relationships built on instability will magnify the instability, and instability begets further instability. It's a terrible cycle.
You'd benefit greatly by developing a support group that can give support equal to or greater than that provided by your partner. If you're not seeing one already, make a part of that a therapist who can help objectively work things out with you, teach you skills to do the same on your own, and untangle some of your past trauma.
Read some self-help books, even if just to learn more about what you're dealing with. I cannot recommend Pete Walker’s “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” and “The Tao of Fully Feeling” enough. They’re my two go-to books out of the literally dozens I’ve read. His Complex PTSD book probably saved my life and The Tao of Fully Feeling is great for anyone dealing with emotions.
I'll end my novel now but know you've got this! You have at least a few internet randos rooting for you. If you have any questions, feel free to respond or DM me. Don't be shy, I'm happy to answer anything I can!
You got it. Bears and dogs/wolves last shared a common ancestor around 55 million years ago, whereas lions and domestic cats had their ancestral split about 11M years ago.
Short answer: late stage capitalism
Long answer: Because they don't have enough money to make rent on time and the associated fees are less than the late fees. Being poor is expensive.
I'm surprised he hasn't already! I'm closer to half his age and I think I'd die within years if I lived like him.
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This is a great question and speaks to your maturity and ability to introspect. Seriously, internet high five.
Regardless of the marriage dynamic, being able to clearly and compassionately communicate thoughts and feelings is a useful skill. More than speaking clearly and concisely, communication is most effective when all involved parties are good listeners, for example by asking questions for better understanding, paraphrasing what was heard to let the speaker know they're understood, and acknowledging the underlying needs and emotions to show you care. Books I've found to be useful are "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg, "Couple Skills" by Matthew McKay, and "A Couple's Guide to Communication" by John M. Gottman.
Anecdotal: One of my good friends is in an arranged marriage and found "Love Will Follow: Making Love and Intimacy Work in Indian Couples" by Shaifali Sandhya to be helpful.
That's why I like Blahaj - no downvotes to silence dissent or minority voices.
It wasn't uncommon on Reddit for me to ask an entirely on-topic question that I could not find being asked before and to get downvoted to oblivion. I later found I could delete these and repost verbatim a few hours or even days later and they'd often receive a positive response. The single biggest predictor of whether or not a neutral comment was inexplicably dogpiled upon was the first two votes. If it dipped to -1, it was typically done for.
Ooof, the blurb about haybox food safety needs to be corrected. Some microbes create secondary metabolites which cause illness. Reboiling won't destroy them.
And US society reinforces that behavior by shaming men for being vulnerable or showing weakness and teaching others that a crying or otherwise emotionally vulnerable man is something deserving of shame and contempt.
A great example is online advice articles about handling relationship issues: so much advises that stoicism is the only option, otherwise your girlfriend/wife will lose their respect and attraction for you.
I had an ex-girlfriend mock me for crying during our breakup and know many men who have encountered similar shaming treatment from other men and women. It's brutal.
It's funny to me because I previously agreed with them 100% - when I was seven. Around age eight I could see the value in investing in communities. I was and am not an unusually intelligent person, yet I figured it out. What's their excuse?