It's normal to remember horrible shit and very hard to not let it affect you. Finding a way to move past it and not let it define you can seem insurmountable but torturing yourself for what someone else did to you perpetuates the cycle of damage. Don't allow things to continue to hurt you, especially when they are no longer around. I hope this doesn't come across as preachy. I struggle with it too but I'm learning that the past can't be changed. Life moves on with or without you. It's in our best interest to find a way forward through the mess..