You are the entity that observes: Your thoughts, your feelings, your mental health and diagnosis', your physical body, sensations, touch and the world.
Blew my mind to realise I am not my thoughts, I'm the entity that observes my thoughts. Because I feel like my thoughts. Yk. But I'm not!!
Learning that When you're in an abusive relationship they purposefully sever your connection with self. They make huge demands around their emotions, whilst putting you in a position to abandon your needs and emotions, entirely, which severs your sense of self and disconnects you from your own emotions. Without those connections, you flounder, severely. I then worked on unstitching all the brain washing, and then, trying to recognize the negative dialogue as their narrative, not mine. I worked on rebuilding my sense of self and self worth, and reconnecting with my emotions, listening to them and soothing them, putting myself first, as if I were a dear friend or looking after myself as I would my own child. Exampling how to treat yourself, teaches kids how they should be treated and treat themselves as adults. I read everything I could, to learn about abuse and how it works, because once you understand how they perform their tricks, they don't work on you, they lose their power entirely. Worked on why I cared what others think of me, and why I was abandoning myself for these imagined others, opinions, and not living by my own opinions and beliefs. I had this belief that others opinions were somehow more valid than mine, which is not true. Asking why, and expecting a real answer with valid facts, from all those "one rule for me another for thee" rules abusers put in your head, helped me to see, and dispel a lot of the abuse and brain washing. Because those "rules" never stack up. They're not transferable, they usually only applied to me, why was I only deserving of dirt, why did I believe that, I wouldn't treat anyone else like that, why did I feel like it was right to treat myself like all I deserved was dirt. I was told every day of my life I was worthless and not good enough and I don't try hard enough and I was a burden (burden isn't quite the right word I'm looking for, burden implies they were doing things for me, which was never the case, I was told I wasn't deserving of even basic pleasantries, I was treated as an abomination. Looking back now I can see the levels of cruelty you have to have as a person to do that to someone else, and I can clearly see they're twisted cruel people who have no ability to define things, opinions don't define things, opinions are only relevant to the head they live in. I read somewhere that if someone has the opinion that they don't like peanut butter, we don't all stop eating just because one person doesn't like it, why do we believe it about ourselves. And it helped me immensely.
I want to live in your world.
I was ghosted twice, by two separate employers. Does that count as being fired? I worked for a conference center (wait staff) I ran the Cafe, full cold buffet breakfast, as well as being the barista and there was a chef for any hot breakfast meals ordered, including room service deliveries for a hotel above that was super long, the building is listed at about 5000m2. The Cafe was almost in the middle. In a warehouse type structure. They originally said I would take over running the Cafe, me and the chef, for 3 months while someone went on holiday, 6 months later I still hadn't heard anything and it was such a hard task I asked to stop doing it and just do the conferences. They ghosted me.
Second was about 15 years later, catering service I worked for, shonky af, oh have I got stories from there!! Covid hit, everything stopped, they asked me back for one job, they had my friend working slave labor for them while they pocketed the government covid payments and expected her (a single mum) to do twice the work she did before, with no breaks, she tried to tell them she had kids she couldn't do as much as they were asking, they ignored her and demanded she work every day, doing the catering for whatever functions they had (exhausting) and then all the dishes from the functions too (usually other employees do that job) she went until she burnt out and her kids needed her, she told them she couldn't work, they acted like she left rhem in the lurch and how dare she, and I was friends with her she they cut her off, stole her jacket, and ghosted me because we had become close friends. Scorched earth. They ended up begging for employees not long after that and no one would work for them. Horrible horrible people.
I get where you're going, a human body isn't quite comparable to those factors though, it's a bit more complex than that, because what you're trying to do is kick in a chemical reaction to release hormones to signal to your fat cells to release them, and that they no longer need to be stored.
In that premise you need to look at why your body stores fat, and in what mechanisms it releases them.
Fat is seen by the body as more of a battery, to save itself (you) if shortages should occur, which is kinda where the calories in vs calories out come from. Right, but, that's a temporary, survival mechanism that you're trying to kick in there, and when you tell your body you don't need to be in survival mechanism mode, any more, it goes, "oh, look, we're resting, that fat that I stored saved us, I need to save more"
You can't continually operate in a calorie deficit, and exercising more than you intake. It's not sustainable long term. Your body will try and bounce back to it's "normal".
Calories in and of themselves don't have one static notion or rule, summing up all things edible to calories is entirely deceptive, in and of itself. Food offers different nutrients, and your body is really good at making the essential nutrients it needs, out of chemical reactions, from whatever you put in, other than some essential amino acids, which is can't make on its own. But also, different foods do different things to your digestive system on the way through.
Calling all food calories, and trying to reduce it to a same action product, in the first part of the equation (calories in) is like saying anything with computing powers, is the same and can and does the same actions, but you can't send emails with your alarm clock.
Different foods offer different energy output and productions in the body. You won't get the same energy levels from fibre that you do from protein. So summing up all food into one label like that, ignores so many chemical factors that occur in the body when you digest food, and how different foods operate in said meat machine.
Not all calories are equal, so the premise is inaccurate, in that summation.
Calories out, similarly ignores huge wafts of data, chemical reactions, hormone functions, metabolic rates, genetics, gender (it has only ever been a model tested, if you can call it that, on males), age, and more. It, also similarly ignores the base systems of the body, and why it stores fat, what happens if you release fat in the wrong way, and the rubber band effect, that causes. I could go into so much detail about that part, but I'm already waffling.
I don't know if thermodynamics matches how a human body sets off a chain reaction to release fat cells, but if I were to relate it to energy, which thermodynamics is a form of. Because we're talking about a very complex system of chemical reactions. It's a way too simplistic thing to relate it to, because the human body has so many hormones that all combined do so many different coded locks and key processes in the body. Adrenalin is a hormone, dopamine is a hormone, even histamine (allergy reactions) are hormones. And they all signal different actions to and within different cells of the body.
Whereas energy, in physics is a very simplistic thing that reacts the same every time, in so much as that they have equations that math it out, every time. You can calculate the energy loss, resistance, voltage, amps etc, and they're the same, because it's one form, not a complex system, which a human body is. It's also not going to equate to the same calculable set of parameters in every human body, like you can with energy. Energy is "a" being equal to "c" divided by "b", and it will always be the same. Every human body absorbs and processes different nutrient intake differently.
But imagine if you told everyone, instead, to find a long term comfortable sustainable diet rich with variety of fruits, vegetables, legumes and beans, nuts, meats. Less, ideally no, processed foods or junk foods, and just moved their body frequently and regularly, nothing big, just something. Minimally. (that not being the entirety of it) how many businesses and whole bodies of corporations does that message, put out of business?
See but I think we're both actually saying the same thing. The amount of factors that go into calories in vs calories out, essentially makes it unusable. Just looking at calories as a base whole product, not the individual piece of food and the nutrients it provides, is mad. By that rationale you could just live on oranges. They're calories, or junk food. Calories.
It's not calculable, how one individual body absorbs, processes, and then manufactures the essential nutrients it needs, from "calories". It's essentially saying how much food in vs how much food burning out. But that's not how fat is turned from fat to energy consumption, by the human body. It has nothing about the essential needs of the body.
It's a myth perpetuated by diet industry that only keeps you on the hamster wheel of weight loss and, for most people not genetically gifted, never really works. Or only works short term but then your body goes into survival mode, and stacks it all, and more, back on.
Here's a an article that might help say things better than I am. https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2023/07/05/its-time-to-bust-the-calories-in-calories-out-weight-loss-myth.html
Predatory af, right! Similarly as predatory. There's 18 ingredients in maccas chips. Wtf.
I imagine it can be hard to scroll past someone saying something very off the wall. When you read someone's comment it's hard not to feel like they're talking directly to you, and if you don't align with what they're saying, especially if you're far from it, it can be hard to resist correcting them or giving them your opinion, when I catch myself doing this, I try to reframe it to ask a question, rather than dump opposing facts.
But there's another perspective I try really hard to keep in mind, if I were sitting at a table with a group of people and someone was loudly saying those things to me in person, I wouldn't engage. I'd move to a quieter spot and ask the people I do like at the table to come for a chat there, or I'd acknowledge their feelings (but not the topic) and move to a different conversation topic.
But I feel like I need more practice at doing this when it's in a text form of socializing, as this is.
I notice some amazing people on here, whom I aspire to learn from, that handle conflicting opinions with grace, and inclusion.
And I understand the dehumanisation that text conversations, present, it can be easy to imagine a hostility that may not be behind the comment. We're all filling in the blanks of the personality behind the commenter. I worked a checkout for a good decade, so I'm very familiar with positions that can become dehumanised. Especially seeing as that seemed to be throughout a time when a huge bulk of people felt like they were only going to get righted the situation they believed had wronged them, by yelling or getting massively agro at the poor checkout chick who was gunna set that right wrong, because fk corporations, I enjoyed giving as much free stuff away as possible, any excuse, within the rules I could muster.
I absolutely understand tensions being high, currently, with world events being what they are. And there's so much propaganda trying to brain wash us into being an army for their cause, and it's all rage baity. So there's even more rage and tension built up. I get it.
I really feel for people who can't, and haven't been helped to learn how to help and sooth their emotions, and then those emotions fester into all consuming things. And they find a cause to funnel that emotion into. Without really addressing that emotion, therefore not actual helping, processing or soothing that emotion.
See, we feel a feeling first, and then we ascribe a meaning, after. Except those two parts of the brain don't actually communicate. The emotional brain is essentially non verbal, and the thinking brain, is verbal, but obviously it doesn't do emotions. So you have this thinking guy in your head trying to tell you what emotions mean, except that guy is not an expert and knows nothing about them.
Your emotional brain is essentially a, very detailed messenger system for checking the temperature of the room. If shit feels off, it sends an alarm. Your emotions are a message to you that the shower temperature is too hot. It's not really about that argument you had with your sibling last fortnight.
And to top it off, your emotional brain is non verbal, so all that ranting that you do, thinking that you solve the anger (or whatever emotion) you feel isn't! It's actually making it worse.
Your emotional brain is super primal, and very simplistic. All it wants is to know you took your hand out of the broiling hot shower water, and now your safe, and it's message worked. It feels the environment and let's you know if that's vibing good stuff or danger. Sometime all you gotta do is change environment, or do a couple of jumping jacks, to help that emotional brain know, dangers gone. If you sit in the same spot and stress, your brain can even learn, that's a stressful spot to sit, every time we sit here, bam, gotta be bad, and spits up those same feelings, even if it's about nothing, just habit.
It also believes anything you tell it, because it's listening to vibes. So even if shits fkd, right now, you have to keep telling yourself, everything is OK, you are safe and a capable bad ass, who has handled all the shit life threw so far, so you absolutely got this. Time to shine.
Your emotions are a message for you, and you alone. And if you expect others to sooth your emotions, all the time, you tell yourself that you don't trust yourself to be capable of helping yourself process emotions. Obviously, we also need connection, so at the same time, it's not at all about doing it alone. But it's more about feeling safe to sit in emotions, rather than, fixing them. The way forward is sometimes the way back, sit in the emotion. Don't try and put it out like it's a fire, or distract it with shiny things. Just be, and listen, feel. Sometimes you need to sit with someone and not feel like you have to create a false front. Just sit and feel, for a bit.
If you're getting stuck in emotions for elongated periods of time, there's people who spend multiple years at school learning how to try and show you all the tips and tricks we've learned so far. Have a chat with one (or two if you don't vibe with numerous uno) of them.
It's literally all about emotional regulation. The mean people, haven't been able to process their emotions, have never been taught how, their parents didn't know, themselves, to tell them. And they're being bombarded with proverbial tornadoes from all sides. And there's so much rage baity propaganda, all designed to fuel and feed off that.
Yeah, exactly, calories in vs calories out is just another myth that feeds the diet industry's bottom line. It's not accurate. Like bmi used to be the big thing, but that's not an accurate measurement system at all.
I had an absolute fuck waffle for ages, nobody told me about frozen shoulder. Although I didn't go to an actual doctor, so
Does anyone really believe it was ever about protecting the kids? I thought it was super obvious it's about mass surveillance. It's so they can link a database of *exactly who is saying what. And then do something evil af with that info, yeah? It's just being poorly framed as "protecting kids" so no one can object, then they look like they don't "care about kids". Even though there's so much proof it doesn't help kids. What would help kids is parents who are able to be with their kids, rather than have to work fingers to bone to just scrape by. They could do information packages for parents, informing them of the risks and how to mitigate, as has been done before. This empowers no one, even if you believe their whole diatribe.
Seeing those terms written down, is a great way to learn, all you gotta do is look up whatever word you aren't sure of.
Why is her jacket all one level, at waist level, when she's reaching up on one side and it's slipping off one shoulder? Shouldn't her jacket bunch down on one side and ride up on the other. I have no jackets that do this, even if they're super baggy.
Absolutely, do that. You can't control the forest when you only own one tree. It's not the individuals fault that the laws, and regulations have become predatory. Be ok with voting against your own interests if making the system more fair becomes an option down the line, even if that will effect your hip pocket. That's what needs to change, in more sectors than just housing, people need to be ok with voting against their own interests, if it means making the system more fair for underprivileged. Because those are the ladders that have been removed, and that is the way to put them back.
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. Yeah, I could really work on my delivery. I feel like it's probably coming across that way because I'm mostly angry venting into the wild, rather than speaking to people, and I really need to work on that. I'm just so angry about all that I see, and I don't expect people to actually listen to anything I say, that's probably a byproduct of being a mum for the last, well, it's been over 30 years now. So I feel like I'm probably doing more screaming into a pillow, than proper adult discourse. I just want to vent my anger, I just want someone to say, yeah, shits fucked up, back to me.
Just to clarify, It's not that I think landlords, individually are evil, I just see how they're being weaponised. I just read a few lines and it clicked some things together.
I've been consuming too much history stuff, lately. It's making me really angry.
Yea, but there's more to it than that. Thyroid causes issues that cause weight to pack on, no matter what your caloric intake is, menopause causing low estrogen causes weight gain because the visceral fat around your organs, the type you can't exercise off, makes a kinda knock off estrogen, so your body packs on weight, to try and make estrogen there. You could eat one meal a day, all healthy and still put weight on. And there's so many more health conditions that cause weight gain. Just Genetics, even. The calories in vs calories out theory has been debunked as a singular cause. Sure, if you have no underlying health issues and you watch what you eat, focus on fibre, legumes, vegetables etc, exercise the right amount, you will lose weight, but, if you are able to do that, you are probably already thin. People who are overweight, overwhelmingly have other conditions causing issues, too.
This and a few other key pieces floating around. History, capitalisms usual trajectory, current happenings. The fact that it's so bad and no politicians are doing anything, but like multiple places in the world. The levels of fascism popping up everywhere. Capitalism is a pyramid scheme where the people at the top want exponential growth, with a finite amount they can take from. The genocides going on, are to increase profits and control world shipping corridors. If they take all of our land, they have the majority of the populous in the world, as a slave work force, we would work just to pay them for the roof over our heads. The rules around renting are getting so extreme, and nothing is being done about regulating this, to protect the renters rights. Without renters, the house they live in falls into rot, and they go out of business overnight. But renters aren't treated like the customer, we're gaslight into believing renters are subservient to landlords and landlords are doing renters a favor (by letting them pay off the landlords property, and or lining their pockets) the trajectory we're currently on, and the pace at which the rules and laws are becoming a tighter noose around the renters neck, tells me it's getting a lot worse, very fast. I don't know, now I'm rambling. I'm tired. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now.
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That's exactly it, she thinks her personal preference for what she finds attractive about boobs, is translatable to literally everyone. People's opinions are true, only for themselves. You don't like peanut butter, you don't ban it worldwide, why do people think their opinions have that kind of power. Just because "you" don't like something, just means you don't like it, that's it. Just you.
All that aside, mil is trying to hurt your feelings, on purpose, she probably doesn't even believe what she's saying. Nobody says something as cruel as that, without the intention being to hurt the person involved. He intention isn't commentary on her boob preferences, it's an attempt to ruin your wedding photos for you, it's an attempt to hurt your sense of self and self worth, it's an attempt to cause disruption to your relationship and invalidate your relationship and invalidate who you are as a person.
It's purposeful cruelty. She will continue to try to break all your things, in a similar way. Small knives in the side, death by a million paper cuts.
You could add to her dialogue "in your opinion" which returns her cruelly applied opinion back to the only power it has, residing in her head. But she will keep trying to break you and all your favourite things.
You are your husband's choice, to walk beside, in life, and it is as much of an insult to him as it is to you, to try and ruin the meaning and sentimentality of the photos and belittle you. He needs to step up and handle his mother. Both barrels so she gets it in her head these types of abuses aren't welcome, and won't be enabled.
Please understand, she probably doesn't even believe what she's saying. It's not at all a truth. That's a beautiful picture, that symbolises a day set aside to celebrate your relationship. Treasure it.
All of a sudden I can see, more clearly, how "landlord" is a form of controlling the poor, like low wages is, it's not just an imbalance in the current system where they've accidentally made the system entirely too heavy with investors and not rebalanced the system to be fair, that's no accident. It's a system and purposeful tool of oppression. They aren't going to make housing more affordable or do anything about the fact "landlords" (landlords, corporations, Airbnb, owning houses) hold too much power. That's by design. Capitalism creates slavery in insidious ways, until suddenly it's not insidious, but by then it's too late.
When I was younger I defined myself by the things I liked, and others similarly, you just start to see more depth and wisdom the more years you're lucky enough to kick around, in this planet, I think. And then you start to see, mostly the stuff people like is just funneled coping mechanisms. I can now tell you what peoples traumas are, by what they like. (lol)