Personally I could never get into the whole Spotify and Pandora thing. I want to listen to what I want to listen to and when I want to listen to it, without ridiculous restrictions and rules. YouTube has honestly been the far better choice for music for me.
It's funny, I have never been comforted by that. I don't think I've truly faced and accepted a single loss in my life, I just avoid the pain as much as I can and try not to ever think about it (it's all I think about).
My doctor is a saint. I'm on Wellbutrin and Buspar, which had been extremely helpful up until my life got flipped turned upside down. She would happily try me on anything I asked her for but I'm just not sure that's the right thing to do right now.
Because I invested my entire being into someone else for over a decade who betrayed me on very deep levels for someone her entire family dislikes and is ashamed of her for, that's almost 20 years older than her, that's illiterate and visually the opposite of me in every possible way (he's obese, I'm fit, he's black, I'm white, he's nearly 50, I'm 34 (she's 29), he's got dirty looking dreads and wears rap themed tshirts you would find at Walmart or wife beaters, I dress in clean clothes that actually fit me and do my hair, everyone that's met him says I'm better looking, etc). The key takeaway being the first part of that though; that I put my everything into her and abandoned everything about myself over ten years to have it all thrown in the trash.
So I'm having to move out from the home we've shared forever, losing 3 dogs and two cats. The wild thing is that her family loves me so much that they just cosigned and dropped 10k to get me my first home. Which TBH as much as it is a lot of things, one thing it for sure is is terrifying me, I'm so scared I will fall behind or not even make enough to cover all the bills to begin with.
What if I don't even see a reason to? To be absolutely transparent, not being around feels like the only true remedy. I've tried the gym, I went every single day. I've tried dating apps to meet people and I just give up immediately because I feel worthless. I've tried to be healthier, eat better, take my meds and supplements and all that. I've tried to get back into what I used to enjoy doing but I just sit in front of my computer with no energy or motivation to do anything. I've tried being more active outside. I've tried a lot. Nothing changes. I can never escape the thoughts for longer than 5 minutes at a time about everyone and everything I've lost and the people who have hurt me for their own selfish pleasures and the failure in life I feel like.
I think it would be great to have an app that warns women about dangerous men. I don't think it's possible for that to exist though, it will ALWAYS be filled up by bitter people making things up so their ex has a harder time dating.
Dogs and cats can't taste capsaicin, can mice?