what helps me is focusing on all the people who's lives would become that much harder if I left. its a meme but "mom would be sad" is genuinly useful for me.
me too brother, ive just accepted at this point that I look like a fascist. ive heard it can be mitigated if you do some little accessorizing like black nail polish or piercings, but I'm not sure those are styles I'm ready to embrace yet (I am extremely self conscious)
too real