I mean, the only real convenient part of an existential crisis is that its with you, every minute of every day. So being a bag of shit goes with me everywhere!
This is all going to sound super dumb and obvious, but I think that underlines how delusional young straight men can become about themselves and the world. The first step was sloooowly coming to the realization that:
A) I'm not unique, special, important, and/or entitled to anything. Ever.
B) I'm not nearly as fucking smart as I think I am, and everyone else is much smarter than I think they are. Which is the perfect combination to make me incredibly stupid.
After it took me embarrassingly far into my 20's to come to terms with all that, I literally had to start from scratch on retraining how I thought about how I interacted with/viewed everything and everyone.
I had no empathy, respect, or regard. I spent years blaming my lack of quality relationships on other people and "society." Whatever the fuck that means.
I was living in a vacuum. All I could do was judge people on whether or not they were worth my time, while having zero understanding that I absolutely wasn't worth anyone's time.
I thought being funny, knowing things, and being good at stuff made me a real catch and, sadly, better than everybody.
My father is a massive selfish pile of shit, and I spent my youth hating him for all of those exact same behaviors. I dunno what finally let me see it, but it took way too long to get there.
Years later I would read a quote from (I think) Sylvia Plath about how "women are not machines you put the nice coins in until the sex comes out" (paraphrasing, didn't Google) and that exactly defines how I thought about women.
By my late 20s I had begun correcting my perspective. I spent a lot of time working on what I have to offer, rather than what others can offer me. It improved the quality of all my relationships. I'm in my early 40s now, ten years into a wonderful relationship. I look back at myself and think about how small and fragile I was. Now I think a lot about time. How precious it is, and you can't get it back. My partner now loves me so much, I want to try every day to return that love and be worth her time.
I see other guys at all ages living in the same sad little world I lived in. I wish I could run a seminar teaching dudes they aren't that fucking great.
It might also be representing the Laplace Transform, where you convert equations from time-based space to frequency-based space. I used it a bunch in engineering school to make super complicated differential equation relationships into simpler terms.
I mean I'm not looking to cold open with drugs and strangers. Lol. I'd like proper friends with whom we've established mutual respect and trust for one another.
THEN go get weird at the Renaissance Festival, or concert, or shitty movie.
All anyone my age around here wants to do is drink shitty craft beers, hike, and watch football...
My favorite thing in the whole world is dropping LSD, and listening to obscure music or watching weird shit...
Dude I can't find ANYONE to hang out with me... I wave that flag in every social situation I find myself in. I really thought there would be more people into it.
Well, that or I'm completely unbearable to hang out with. If that's the case I just wish people would tell me.
I mean, the only real convenient part of an existential crisis is that its with you, every minute of every day. So being a bag of shit goes with me everywhere!