Arcanepotato

LMAO people on the internet are the worst (myself included 😅)

I weaponized my autism today to win that fight about the equipment not working (kind of?) but got some blast damage while I was at it.

If anyone had tips on how to be a stubborn, pedantic asshole without grinding your nervous system into a fine powder I am all ears?

In positive news I actually ate lunch! Go me!

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 6d ago

I enjoyed this meme

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 6d ago

Hey comrade, I read first reply that came up for me and got real pissed on your behalf so I'm going to reply without reading anything else. Sorry if this was already covered.

You're not alone in not being able to express what's wrong. It's not your fault and people giving you shit for not being able to talk to a dr to figure out what's wrong clearly haven't experienced what it's like and aren't doing a very good job at being kind.

Idk if you are autistic but there are a few reasons why autistic people and other struggle with this:

your nervous system ain't right
alexithymia
issues with communication/being understood. If you browse this comm you will see many posts about it.

Bonus meme about alexithymia

I didn't get diagnosed until I was 40. It's AuDHD specifically. I was diagnosed and then "treatment resistant" to a whole bunch of shit from 13 till then including depression, Bipolar II rapid cycling, BPD, ADHD. Each time I was either involuntarily committed or most recently trying by absolute darndest to not end up in that position again. Every time is be compliant and take the meds and do the therapy and try my best and it just didn't work???

The only reason I knew to pursue a diagnosis is my therapist being like...uh, you might want to maybe consider an autism assessment and the fact that I could afford it. It's not fair and it sucks, homie, but I share this to get people who are talking out of their ass to shut the fuck up when they have no idea what they are talking about - making is sound like it's super easy to figure out what's wrong. It's not.

The second thing I wanted to share is that I find myself in these awful spirals where I am sure I am a bad person. Like, because I have trouble relating to others I am somehow harming them by existing because I can't communicate and empathize with them. Or I'm so burnt out I can't do things for other people when they need help and that makes me basically a war criminal. Or even worse people need to pick up my slack??? I've been sobbing in therapy because I am sure I am a bad person and I don't want to be.

I'm not sure I'll ever totally shake that fear but my therapist shared the concept of open and closed systems to make me at least realize I am probably not a narcissist (look I know this is a can or worms but if everyone can just accept that I am not saying that problem who are diagnosed with NPD are necessarily bad people that would be cool). The important part here is that I was so scared that my prevention of self is so inaccurate that I am somehow harming people without realizing it and I'll never be able to stop and now I think that's probably not true?

Do you have access to a therapist or other mental health provider who has experience in either autism or psychopathy or both? My therapists have been able to adapt to how I communicate and receive information and have helped me express my issues and concerns and explained things in ways that make sense to me. Maybe you can find someone like that to help you navigate your concerns.

Good luck.

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

It was not low effort to understand, but I got there comrade

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

No there isn't

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

Oh god, I recently had a conflict about this. Records people are like, "we hear you have a room full of records, they are marked as past retention policy we are coming to shred them, please make sure someone is available to give us access"

We have one admin left and she fucking rules. She's saved these from shredding before and she messages me panicked, saying they aren't listening to her that they are still required etc. I'm getting ready to literally fite someone and my boss is like, "let's just tell them we don't have them anymore 🤷 I don't feel like arguing with these people." He rules.

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

I make people wait while I write things down and repeat it back. They can choose if they are more annoyed by that or by me not doing it 🤷‍♀️

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

This seems like a very bad idea! Can you share the reason for it?

I'd say a good 50% of the problems I am trying to solve at work are a direct result of the elimination/vast reduction of administrative positions in the technical fields. One of the main drivers was how computers made it "easier" to file things, but locally that also coincided with major recessions/austerity measures and 30 years later we're seriously paying the price.

Great idea to get rid of the record keepers but not actually teach the technical people a digital version of the filing system/enforce the retention of buisness records including technical reports and decision logs. Not like there is a legal requirement to keep those or anything 🙄

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

I love your decor, so cozy!

I made the mistake of needing a new winter coat, so I am at the mall 😭. I forgot my headphones but remembered my earplugs, so it's not that bad, and it's actually less busy than I expected. I am sad I can't just buy an exact copy of my existing jacket, as it is a few seasons old. It just needs a new zipper, so I will try and get it replaced, but I need something in the meantime.

The benefit of the giant headphones is they are basically advanced warning to others that I ain't quite right so I generally get left alone. I have already made two (2) retail workers uncomfortable by a combo deer in headlights/stammering response to cheeky banter/small talk. Sorry!

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

Generally a good approach! Unfortunately this acceptance testing for critical regulated equipment (that I know doesn't function as per design) and I need the rest results to accurately show if it works or not. I'm the licenced engineer responsible for the overall system.

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

I've wasted my Saturday trying to understand neurotypicals and I'm mad at myself. Extremely simplified version:

I got asked if I wanted to witness some performance testing at work because I questioned previous tests (rightfully, I might add???). I don't really want to, but I pop by to visit the system yesterday to just get a sense of how it's operating. If it's generally within parameters I won't bother, but if it's iffy I'll show up.

The system is supposed to operate under a vacuum. Dear reader, it was positively pressurized?? Idk how it's even possible but that's not my mess to figure out. I reply back saying, heads up you might want to plan to delay the test because of [a variety of details]. People are traveling several hundred km for this and I thought it was polite. The evil autism approach would have been to show up on Monday, cackle at how it's not working and tell them to call me when they fix it and then we can discuss if a test can happen.

I saw the reply today saying nah it's fine?

I can't wrap my head around it at all.

Do they not understand? They designed the system, set the parameters and it's been operating under vacuum for months. Too much vacuum at times! It can't be that???
Do they think if they say "nah bro it's supposed to be like that" with enough confidence that I'll believe them? Or that they can wear me down? They don't know I'm autistic but I've literally never backed down on anything in the 5 years I've had a business relationship with these people so they should know better? (I will accept new evidence and correct my mistaken interpretation, but that's not backing down).
is there something in the fucking water??? Why am I the only person who questioned this or bothered to look before the test? Everyone is totally cool with traveling for hours to stand around in the cold for a few hours and not actually be able to do this test???

Anyways, I write a giant fucking novel of an email explaining point by point why it's not acceptable to try and test the system as is, and what some possible solutions might be. 2 hours of my life. On a Saturday.

I should have just been evil.

(Kids: being paid to be autistic sounds fun but it actually fucking sucks some times.)

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Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

This sucks, I hate it for you

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

Ya girl has got her hopes up: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/high-speed-rail-ottawa-montreal-9.7013138

TOOT TOOT

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 1w ago

ITT people who don't understand irony

Arcanepotato @crazypeople.online 2w ago

Yes, I find them beneficial. I prefer when the warning itself is spoilered too. That way I can choose to totally swerve the content and don't face anxiety over the subject matter at all.