The curse of being functional enough to appear normal at times.

Sure, i will infodump people if given the chance, will listen to music on repeat, on my ANC headphones, and be a somewhat picky eater, but if you looked at me from afar, maybe you coudn't tell right away, i can study, i can work, i can be social if i need to, and maybe, if you meet me, the first time you may not notice it right away (unless you're neurodivergent yourself).

But, when time passes, and i lay my guard low, somwthing will inevitably happen to show me, painfully, that i'm indeed autistic, meltowns, misunderstandments, worse, you name it, and then you remember, you're autistic and there is no scape, this is what I am and there is no fighting it, i'm autistic, and need help sometimes, with some things.

I overall like to be autistic, i don't want it gone at all, i feel is basically who i am, but at the same time it is very frustrating, this year and a half, has been awful for me, i dropped out of university and tried to work, but they fired me because they learnt about my plans of getting back at uni, in this whole time (and my numbers were good, i even did sales, i'm sure as heck it was that), whenever i wasn't rotting on my parents house, i had so many fkng momments that remind me, like a punch on the face, that i'm autistic, not gonna lie, at university had many too, bit atleast there i had an structure to cling onto, because yay comorbid adhd /s.

Anyways, sometimes i feel that if i was more obviously autistic, it would be more obvious to people, that i fkng struggle with things 😭.