Hello my para social comrades

I've come back after yet another hiatus, after mental instability and just being weird and kind of an asshole. I've been known previously for my lack of personal opsec and sometimes impudent behavior. I've just recently broken things off with my controling ex and I'm hoping it's the change that's needed to start heading in a better direction and to quit burning myself at both ends, if not financially, but moreso emotionally mentally and physically. I'd consider myself a bit of a troll or leftist dirt bag and the worst communist / leftist/ whatever to grace this site, however your community has helped to ensure that I'll never veer rightwards and to keep persisting no matter how hard life gets, no matter how unaccepted I may be at times due to my unhinged behavior every now and again. I'll never have a why I left the left moment, to be a leftist is to grow and to do better despite how ass one might be at any given moment. During my first couple outings here I've wanted to use hexbear as a kind of personal black book, to get opinions, to work or talk through things, to gain better understanding of my worst self and to maintain more balance, it hasn't really been appropriate, so my apologies. I don't have many friends though, namely because of my last ex and self isolating because I had let someone back into my life who had helped to fuck it up back in 2022. If it wasn't that it's been the gross politics or reactionary behaviors non leftists adopt without really thinking about it, further persuading me to cut ties, and lastly because I've been a shut in hypersexual fuck head stoner gaemer boi(?). But yeah for right now I'm just figuring out my next moves and to be as independent as possible moving forward. Also water isn't wet and I'm a sentient bear fucker who misposts, iykyk. Anyways feel free to ask whatever. I'm big into magic the gathering the moba mlbb (mobile Legends, quitting so I've got more free time and so I don't fall back into toxicity), I like vidya gaem in general, casually into fitness but have let myself go over the period I had been with my now ex, I've lurked around the space since 2018 when it was r/cth when I was a reddit virgin and found it through the recommended pages when you go on Google on a new tab when I was a Bernie bro, been questioning my gender for a minute but always too broke/ wanting to have my own child first with the right woman (yes I might have a breeding fetish, no I don't want an army, just a successor that will have been better off materially than I had been as I grew up and to see them reach their potential whereas I've fallen short, as of now), I've got experience in customer service and hospitality but not much else, I'm 5'10" 9". Uuuuuhhhh what else... Oh I'm silly as hell and am deeply unserious 9 out of 11 times. Again feel free to ask away.