(Finished) Hexbear Code to Live By (Final).xls Edit - New (Draft).docx

1. Be cool
2. You don't want to live on the compound
3. Always take the Interior Minister position
4. Never give up your nukes
5. You can pronounce a name in any way you want
6. Don't delete the dick pic
7. If someone with a gun enters your car, they're gonna kill you
8. If someone tells you they're not going to kill you, they're calming you down to kill you later
9. Never release political prisoners to placate the protesters
10. Never let the opposition delay elections
11. If you're going to join a cult, leave the kids at home
12. Create your own private police force
13. Always pay your mercenaries
14. If someone starts to get into German runes, drop them
15. Always get it in writing
16. Never put it in writing
17. You never have to answer the question you're asked
18. Never trust a South American with a German name
19. Never move anywhere for a religion
20. Always disavow
21. You want your situation to be precedented
22. Elections should only be done by paper ballots hand counted in public
23. Never get in a helicopter (or small plane)
24. If you get fired, just continue to show up
25. Always check the medicine cabinets
26. When someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer, you can just say "it's for legal reasons," or "I signed an NDA"
27. NDAs are fake
28. The coalition always fractures
29. If you're funny, you can say anything
30. If someone's trying to get you to commit a crime, they're FBI
31. Never become an FBI informant
32. If you do become an FBI informant, record everything
33. Never record any kind of meeting, unless it's with the police
34. Never talk to cops without a lawyer
35. If someone always has a new hat, they've got something to hide
36. Always keep your dollars in money
37. The world is run on groupchats
38. You should not be in a groupchat
39. Never say anything on the in-office communique
40. If you're pushing through a land reform program on behalf of the peasantry, do it really quickly and without telling anyone first
41. Never trust a Cuban exile in the greater DFW metropolitan area
42. If you keep gambling you'll eventually win
43. Don't fuck your roommate
44. Keep your hand on the gun the whole time
45. Don't associate yourself with acts of terror
46. Don't ever implicate yourself in any kind of child abuse and/or cannibalism case
47. Don't let anyone take your passport
48. Always shoot first
49. Read the room
50. Never let a woman see you play video games
51. Do not invite the journalist to the party
52. Don't talk to journalists, ever
53. Don't ever host a party
54. If you're taken hostage, decide whether it'll be more lucrative to join the kidnappers or to continue as a hostage and sell your story rights later
55. If Congress calls you to testify, you don't have to go
56. Always secure the water rights
57. Know who your guys are and always take care of them
58. If, in a contentious interim mayoral race, a surprise "caretaker" candidate promises not to run again, don't believe them
59. Once a year go through your underwear & throw out what you don't like
60. Learn the art of distraction
61. Don't talk about the coup in public
62. Don't smoke marijuana out of a pen, smoke it out of a pipe or a bong
63. Get a better lawyer (preferably a former prosecutor)
64. Always pay your taxes
65. Never deal with an explosives expert
66. If you ever hear the word safe haven, someone's trying to bullshit you
67. If a photographer gives you a funny prop, don't use it in a photo shoot
68. When you pick up a hitchhiker, point a gun at them the whole time
69. First thing you do when you have a coup, get on the radio
70. If you sentence a guy to death, shoot him the next day
71. Never overexplain when yes or no suffices
72. If you are involved in any kind of arrangement with multiple Maurizios, it's gonna turn out badly for you
73. Never go into the sewers unless you're a sewer guy
74. Always throw the fight and take the money
75. Get a small circle of advisors
76. Before protesting, pause and ask if you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired
77. If you are a renowned author, you need a bunker
78. If you have weapons of mass destruction, never decommission
79. As a journalist, the best question to ask is, "why does chaos reign now?"
80. If you're no longer allowed to use the bank, don't use someone else's account, unbank yourself
81. Anytime the FBI foils anything, it's fake
82. If your money's in something with 3 initials (i.e. FBI pension fund), take it out
83. Everybody snitches
84. If you get busted, serve your time, don't bring all your friends into it
85. Never go to a second location
86. Always balance your ratio of officers to enlisted
87. Don't use the presidential credit card to pay off gangs or make suspicious payments to places that might not otherwise receive it
88. Nothing is a gain until it's realized
89. Don't let your gains be reversed
90. Never invest in anything that has a name that has to do with the moon
91. When bad news comes out, the first line of defense is that it's fake. Second, you were hacked. Third, it's all farce. Fourth, notes app apology.
92. Don't go to the sperm bank if it's in the guy's basement
93. Don't be the guy who has the uranium
94. Always make your letter non-binding
95. Everything you say to a journalist is on the record
96. Everyone in the crypto space is always lying
97. Don't leak your balance sheet
98. Never lock yourself in something
99. Don't be a creep
100. Always stay on message for yourself