Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I’ve started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don’t know how to deal with it. Especially I don’t know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn’t show (or those who didn’t even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don’t think I should do that. But I also don’t know how to pretend like it doesn’t hurt…

Any advice about rejection anxiety and … well, real rejection?

Thank you.

  • Mighty@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    3·
    3 months ago

    Yeah thanks for the advice and the wishes. I think you’re exactly right about how those conversations could turn out. So I guess something uncommitting like you suggested is a good start …

    I like the idea with the smaller dinners. Sadly, people don’t come around my place. It’s a bit out of the way. And I thought the “bigger” plans are exactly good for the kind of conversations where you aren’t too close with the people and you can get closer with them. In a café/restaurant/bar/living room setting, you have to do small talk…