I remember a form one time that asked me “what stage of life are you in”
Options being like Single, Married, Married with Children, etc
The part that made me blink wasn’t so much the options but the use of the word “stage” , as if these things are mandatory steps in life, and by being unmarried I’m somehow still on the starting line.
Incredibly prescriptive of them.
That’s really some insight into why so many people are walking around unhappy. A lot of people have gotten married and even had children because that’s what they’re “supposed to” do. Same thing with how much emphasis is placed on sexual concepts like “losing your virginity” and shit like that. Like it’s supposed to be this big momentous occasion, and if you don’t do it soon enough, then something’s wrong with you. Like sometimes I think about the ignorant shit asexual people must be exposed to on a regular basis.
And then there’s the other extreme as well. My husband and I got married because it’s something we legitimately wanted, and marriage is a custom that we never thought we could experience as a gay couple. I think that makes us value it more. It’s not something we were “supposed to” do, but something we really wanted, and that was after five years of co-habitating.
I’ve had people lash out at me because they interpret our marriage as some statement that monogamy is the only valid relationship or that we’re dismissing the discrimination that poly people face or something, and such is not the case at all. Our marriage is a personal choice for us, and I’d be the first one to say it’s not for everyone. Us being married isn’t some grand statement that you should be, too.
I wish we all could get away from this black-and-white idea that everything must be either one way or the other. There are so many ways a relationship might look, and there are also people who are perfectly fine not being in any sort of relationship, and this is all okay.
And on a related note, I wish we had more places and events that weren’t centered around the “couple” or “the family,” where it’s okay to just show up as a single person and have fun. Maybe it’s just because I live in a conservative area, but I feel like a lot of things are planned around the idea of a family, and people who don’t fit the norm really don’t have much to participate in. Like, there are things for people who are still in college, but after that there aren’t too many options. I talk to my city council rep about this a lot.
Sorry, that turned into a damn sermon. I didn’t expect to write so much lol
