TLDR: Have you any tips or resources about how to be motivated to do things which you enjoy having ADHD in mind?
Hey, recently I had to stop my ADHD meds for a while.
Additionally I have a lot of time right now bec. of medical reasons and I try to do things I want to do instead of proctrastinating, so whenever I realize that I’m just doing stuff without actually enjoying them, I try to sit back, make me some tee and think about what I want to do. Like not in the future, but right now.
But the thing is, very often I just sit there and there is nothing I want to do. I try to enjoy doing nothing but it is kind of frustrating sitting there and thinking about what I want to do and nothing comes up.
I wanted to ask if this is a me thing or an ADHD related thing, and if so how you manage that. I either am completly stressed out with 100 projects at the same time or doing nothing and having no motivation to do anything. How can I be motivated to do things I enjoy? How to find things which I enjoy without sitting there and stressing out that currently I’m not motivated to do anything?
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from what i understand, dopamine plays a massive factor in contributing to motivation in most people.
made a todo list? here’s some dopamine. finish a task? have another drop of dopamine.
meanwhile, the dispensing system in an ADHD brain is faulty and thus does not deliver the same sense of accomplishment that would generally fuel an NT to continue their productivity.
warm take: while i agree finding strategies for “manual mode” are import, so is, imo, learning how to sit comfortably in that unproductive space. counter productive as it may seem, sometimes it’s the weight of that pressure to feel motivated that’s the stressor, not the lack of motivation in and of itself.
I heard some good advice recently. It starts with an aside.
What’s the #1 factor for finding a partner? Proximity. Out of personality, looks, attraction, whatever. The #1 thing is if the other person lives in the same city.
Same goes for productivity. Take it down to its most basic quality. You’re only going to produce anything if you actually sit down and code, or write a book, or practice an instrument. Motivation is nice, but the biggest difference between a published author and an unpublished one is that the published author sat down and wrote something.
The only thing to it is to do it!
Just be motivated to go do it and you’ll be motivated to do it
Yes but the being motivated is the problem.
Discipline
EDIT: I wasn’t trying to insult anyone with a one word reply, but OP was describing discipline, “to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control”
Motivation is nice, but the biggest difference between a published author and an unpublished one is that the published author sat down and wrote something.
This is a great real life example of discipline. The published author has disciplined themselves to sit down and write, even when they don’t feel motivated to.
i’m so sorry you live under that pressure of others expectations. having the capacity to take a disciplined approach and self moderate your behaviors is an important skillset, no doubt. but that is not the same thing as feeling and nurturing intrinsic motivation.
That’s what I’m thinking about. I want to learn to do random stuff with enjoyment rather than getting good at specific things. And I’m unsure whether this can be achieved with discipline
I might reframe this pursuit (finding stuff to do merely because you find pleasure in the activity) as self care-in a very practical sense. I’ve tried before, especially during stretches of time without medication, to pick a specific time within a given week, say Tuesdays and Thursdays after dinner, to meaningfully allocate my focus towards an unspecified non-productive activity. Sketching, jigsaw puzzles, taking a walk, reading a book, etc. By keeping it unspecified I can easily swap out one activity for another when the time comes and by viewing it as block of recurring scheduled time that is tied to my existing schedule, it’s much easier to remember to incorporate it into my day. As contrast, if I planned “to take a walk next Thursday after dinner”, chances are I’ll end up forgetting beforehand or get caught up in something else.
I suppose if I squint I could say adhering to this schedule change could be considered exercising discipline, but to me it feels like an ambiguous and pressured oversimplification.
Thanks :)
Incorrect.
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I’ve struggled with this for years and I’ve found something recently that helps: Make a list of daily todos.
Why this helps me: I find that my mind naturally wants to switch from what I’m currently doing to something (anything) else. When this urge comes up, instead of opening up social media or whatever other time sink I totally go to, I instead open up my todo list and try to switch to one of those tasks.
What I’ve found is that even though this doesn’t stop me from ever procrastinating with video games or other time-sinks, I at least have found myself getting more things done that actual help my life rather than just sitting there not knowing what else I *should * be doing.
Tips for making this work:
- write the todos in an app on your phone (like the “Notes” app) and do not fully close that app. Leave it open in the background so it doesn’t take long to load when you need it.
- don’t give yourself more than 3-4 things on your todo list for a day. Trust me, you won’t do more than 3-4 and you’ll feel great about yourself when you get those 3-4 done. (Go easy on yourself if you don’t get them all done — you’re still doing better than not having a list at all)
- Before you go to bed, try and create the list for the next day.
It takes work to develop this habit, but legit just try it for a couple of days and see how you feel.
I know this doesn’t answer your question of “how do I find what I like to do”, but I’ve found that once I start accomplishing small things, the creative juices start flowing.
Best of luck!
Part of the problem is that with so many devices and stimulus vectors, we never let ourselves really get truly bored anymore. Being bored is sometimes good.
That said, it takes more than a bit of effort to break reflexes and habits around just grabbing you’re phone or kindle or whatever when something isn’t actively engaging you.
Its not that much about what I should be doing, rather finding hobbies I want to do intrinsically. Or do you say, that in the morning I should create Lists of hobbies that I want to do today until I want to do them intrinsically?
Ahhh, I see.
Making a list of hobbies to try could help, but in the end it’s only yourself who can discover what you like.
The end result is finding out what hobbies you like; the pathway there is trying lots of new and different things.
Replace social media with slack, and I think I have a new game plan now…
I have definitely been there. I don’t think there’s anything that’s sure to work with everyone but this is what works for me. I need to set deadlines for myself that I actually care about. If they are arbitrary then they don’t work, part of me will know that there won’t be real consequences for missing them. So I try to set up a situation where there’s a deadline that has consequences, but not anything life-ruining if I miss it. If I want to do something like cleaning up, I’ll invite some friends over for a game night and then I’ll have until then to do dishes, tidy up, vacuum etc. I want the place to look nice and my friends are unwittingly holding me accountable, but if there are dust bunnies or I don’t clean the sink my friends are chill enough that it’s not that stressful.
Another thing that’s worked for me is setting a goal with a nebulous but semi-urgent deadline (like “before spring” or “before it snows” and whatever it is, magically I want to do anything other than that thing. It’s amazing the things I can get done while avoiding the thing I’m “supposed” to do. So let’s say you want to do your taxes before April, you’ll definitely get to them this weekend, watch how suddenly there are myriad things around you to do instead!
So you set a deadline of doing taxes in spring and then get other stuff done?
Pretty much, start thinking about what documents you need to gather up, what services you’ll need to use, and next thing you know, reorganizing your pantry and sorting all of your old paint will be irresistible!
I try to do mine as soon as I get all my W2s and/or 1099’s. Partly so I don’t forget but mostly because it’s my money and I want it now. Though I need a reminder for the State. I just did my federal but I can’t even start my State side taxes yet as the State currently isn’t accepting them yet.
The only thing that works for me is to start by forcing myself to do the work, and then let the work itself condition me into wanting/expecting to keep doing it.
Can you give an example of an activity where it worked for you and how you kept at it?
Going to the gym: I absolutely HATE the gym. But after a month of forcing myself to go, my body ached for that exercise. And I consistently kept going because it almost hurts to NOT go.
Personal projects: I’m editing a novel I wrote, and editing is not as fun as writing the first draft. I’ll procrastinate for days. But when I FORCE myself to just sit down I get totally absorbed, and then it’s fresh on my mind and I actively want to edit the next chapter.
Thank you! Good luck with the novel :)
Motivation doesn’t work because it’s fleeing. You need to learn discipline. You need to to learn how to do the thing even if you don’t want to do it.
“Have you tried not having ADHD?”
I got diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s. So, believe me, I learned this the hard way.
So how did you learn it? What do you do to be disciplined?
Try the carnivore diet for three months.
