In my dreams, you lay your sorrow on the table, and the air between us is soft and we have time.
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Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Took my mental health day on Friday as prescribed by my therapist and gingerbrat. It was actually pretty nice. I did light laundry chores and made it to about halfway through the 4th(chronological) movie in the Mad Max franchise. I did work on a bit of code stuff but it was correcting typos in my business sites. Nothing too brainy. I also gave Satisfactory another attempt and I think I still hate it.
Then Saturday came and I got hit with a huge wave of depression all over again… I can’t really afford to take a day off a week to try and be happy, just to turn around and be more depressed than I was before. I think a lot of it is still tied to my shitty job, my education going to waste, and me just wanting to get out of this daily work grind bullshit. I need to stop setting my worth at what my income is and I don’t know how. I don’t want to be like generational wealth rich or whatever but I’d just like this dumb business to take off but no one wants or needs a websites and no one wants to pay the real price for one.
I wrote another mobile app in 2 days again. It was inspired by those dumb digital business cards that use NFC to send your info to someone else’s phone. This one doesn’t have NFC because Android sucks and we can’t have nice things. But it does have a QR code generator in it that creates one for each url you add. Think of it sort of as an Android app QR code equivalent to Linktree. But that was how I realized I was back in burnout. So, there is that.
Next stage of burnout is me getting fired.
Your mental health days sounds like a success, I’m glad you took it. As to the days after, I’m honestly not surprised. Making time for yourself when you are actually trying to accomplish anything always drags you down, as if self care was a neglect of duties. It’s not, just so you know.
You need a proper break, and I agree that you need to unlearn this. A solid income isn’t going to make you feel better about yourself. It does help with precarious situations and relieve some stress, but what you need (like a lot of others) is a task or activity that makes you feel useful and purposeful. It’d be nice if the job could be that activity, but it often isn’t. Don’t give up, but also give yourself more breathing space. You’re worthy, no matter how much you earn