Need a new gig? Looking for a job with good pay and benefits that’s easy to get? Don’t need employment for more than a few months? Well ICE is hiring! And they’re so desperate for people that their standards have been lowered all the way to the seventh circle of Hell.
So throw in an application and sign up for ICE. Then proceed to be the most incompetent agent in ICE’s history. Show up late. Show up high. Arrive to raids late and out of uniform. Brag about your upcoming raids on social media. Just generally be the most unproductive, unhelpful, and incompetent ICE employee in history. Write elaborate equipment check lists and spend hours triple checking your load out before any raid. Be a net drain on the system. Have your incompetence be so great that your very presence actually zeros out the work of at least two other people. Become a black hole of unproductivity that drains the effectiveness and morale of everyone around you. Be the Colin Robinson of ICE!
They’re so desperate for people right now, that they’ll be extremely reluctant to fire you as long as you don’t go full direct insubordination. If you refuse to follow orders, you’ll get fired. If you’re just colossally incompetent at carrying those orders out, you should get at least a few months of employment before they finally let you go.
“Oops, sorry boss, I was going to the bathroom during that last raid, didn’t see anything. Shouldn’t have had that burrito last night.”
“Oops, I’m so clumsy. I left the door to the van open, and all the migrants we caught got away. Again!”
“What do you mean I can’t refer to my coworkers by name when we’re all masked up. That’s just impolite!”
“Look, I thought I had the right address. How was I to know that address was actually the local Republican Party campaign office?”
Arrive to raids […] out of uniform.
…This is already happening.
I know you posted this as a joke, but the CIA’s Simple Sabotage handbook recommends doing something exactly like this. If you can’t risk your cover with active sabotage, you can still contribute by getting a position in middle management and doing everything in your power to grind the gears of bureaucracy to a halt.
Let’s say there’s a company that is manufacturing war supplies. You can apply for middle management positions, and then do the typical “middle management is so inept” thing to slow down production.
As a dude whose in IT for a DoD contractor, you’ve got me questioning our internal threat standards.
I would be a great ICE agent. Sorry, what was your name? Melania? Drumpf? Pack it up!
The problem with some of these is that once you did them you would end just being extra-judicially targeted yourself by your ICE coworkers…
You don’t want to end up like Gomer Pyle getting beaten with socks full of soap. Your coworkers will know your name and have tools to find out more info on you. Don’t turn yourself into a massive target unless you’re comfortable with that.
Looks like ICE is reading this thread.
Stop it Daedalus you are such a downer
Do I have to bring my own brown shirt or will they be provided? /s
Brown shirts are so mid-20th century. Here in the future, Red Hats are where it’s at!
Plus Red Hat spelled sideways is Hatred, sort of.
basically they are the amazon associates/walmart level of hiring, they both take almost anyone. but its probably much higher than ice, as they need drug tests, background checks all the way to using interpol.
they probably wont be putting it in thier resume anyways, as any other employer would immediately reject your application. i see these people only working in conservative areas.
Hmmm, I’ve been on a tolerance break for 1 month now, one because I wanted to do it, and two because I am looking for a new job. Maybe I can apply for this job and they won’t give a shit about me popping hot for weed. But then again, I don’t think I could wear a balaclava over my face for long hours at a time. I hated having to wear one when I cleared my drive way while living in the upper midwest for years.
I mean, yeah. That’s not a bad idea.
This is a very bad idea.
No, it’s not. Even if they catch on to it, and start working harder to weed out applicants, it will have caused a bottleneck in their system that will slow them down. And piss them off.
Not if we can flood them with net people then it’s just the baseline behavior
Apply for the job, go to the interview, waste their time. Nothing illegal about not taking a job offer.
And drag out the interview, ask lots of questions, repeat questions, never make a move to leave until they order you to. Eat up the interview time of several applicants.
Even in the best case scenarios you still have “I was a modern nazi” as a documented thing you did that you could end up needing to explain for the rest of your life. How plausible does “Oh, but I was secretly one of the good guys!” sound to you?
Yeah, that was in the back of my mind, if there is ever a Nuremberg 2.0 I was one of the good guys wouldn’tcut it unless you have a shit load of evidence in your favor which would also endanger your job you were working on for ice Which probably has full access to everything you record
Eh, officially being fired for incompetence is a pretty good piece of evidence in your favor. Plus assumedly there wouldn’t be any witnesses that could report you actually committing any of the worst ICE offenses.
They have been taking pictures and using facial recognition at protests, they are adept at scouring people’s online footprint, and they have thousands of employees. How do you plan to get a statistically significant number of sympathetic people into their ranks undetected, and then keep them there as they throw a wrench in the works?
This is a pipe dream.
You’re ascribing more competence to these people than they deserve. They’re not omniscient. And trawling social media only gets you so much. Hell, you can tell them you’re generally liberal but opposed to illegal immigration if you really want. Yes, the Trump admin has some pretty extensive social media search capability, but that’s for their upper level cabinet officials. They just can’t afford to be that picky for the type of low-level position I’m talking about. ICE has expanded by leaps and bounds, way beyond any ability for them to properly screen applicants.
That may be so, but the problem is getting a statistically significant number of people to participate and go unnoticed. People are already being arrested for interfering with ICE. If they have a bad employee, they will get fired. If they think that employee intentionally let people get away, they will be arrested. If they think there is a conspiracy to create hundreds of bad employees (which is what we are doing here), then they will investigate and find a reason to arrest en masse.
This is MAGA. Incompetence is their brand. I doubt they can make any of that happen efficiently.
Besides, just forcing them to jump through all those hoops on every applicant is already a win.
They seem pretty competent at spreading misery and pain so far.
But it’s a FUNNY pipe dream at a grim time.
It is definitely a fun thing to think about, just not realistically feasible as the person I was responding to was hoping for.
Fair enough
🤔
