I know I keep posting over and over but I’m in so much pain and I have no one or nowhere to go to when I am sad. I’m trying to channel everything internally without being such a burden and annoyance to people. I keep asking myself “why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?” “Why am I so easy to be given up on?” “Was I even special to him?” … I cannot stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. When we stopped talking for a couple days and I reached out for closure, he said not speaking for those three days makes him realize he should’ve been more appreciative of me and how hard I tried and all those things. But if he was saying those things then why not turn it around? 😔I sound like a hopeless romantic but I can’t wrap my head around anything anymore… the closure somehow made it worse I guess. I told him I forgive him for anything he thinks he did wrong. He appreciated that. I miss him so much. I miss our memories, I miss his face. Something deep down inside of me feels like I’m going to see his face again but I know that’s false reality. We never even got to talk to each other about these things in person. I just want to cry in his arms.
I’m fighting crazy urges to not text him… the urge to ask him if he’s satisfied with the closure or not is killing me. I wanna see his face again in PERSON so fucking bad, I want to hug him, I want to play with his hair, I want to kiss his face 🥺 I want to just be with him, in his presence, even if it’s quiet.
And yep, these messages will be very different then than now.
Oh yeah, how much I can feel that urge… Yk when I texted with her, I did ask her if she is happier now and if she wants to text me and so on. The same that you want to ask really. You can imagine how she replied. I still miss her so much, especially during the evening and night when I’m not distracted by something else
she said shes happier eh ;c i dont wanna know the answer i may get from him. i know hes hurting but fuck
Kinda, yeah. In a nice way but yeah. Anyway, I need to go to bed now. The time where I miss her the most. Her not lying next to me is just a horrible feeling. But I think it helped me a little, talking with someone who goes through the same rn. You know that there always are people going through that, but at least I don’t know anyone. Actually feeling that youre not alone is nice. So thank you for that. We can do it. Even for me it’s difficult to believe, but we will get over it. Eventually.
On a completely unrelated note, I need to vent about something. I just need to tell someone what happened to me. I just returned from a long trip. I had my bicycle locked at the train station for 3 days. When I came back, my wheels were stolen. Whyyyy? I had to walk home now. And I need my bicycle tomorrow. I need it all the time. That’s the first time that something was stolen from me. It feels so bad. Why do people do that. That made me lose all faith in society rn. Whyyyy