I have met a couple of people over the years that are scared of interacting with trans people because they don’t know how to act.
I mean, they do, because you just act like you would with anyone else. But they worry about fucking up, or how/whether to address transness. So they get all tense and awkward, and then they fuck up and say something dumb and get even more scared the next time they meet a trans person.
It isn’t just for trans folks! There’s people that get specific social anxiety around people of other races, gay people, even just people from a different part of the country or world. It’s the whole “I don’t wanna say/do the wrong thing”.
Ngl, I’m relatively active with the local LGBTQ community and have been since the nineties, and I still sometimes screw up. Rarely for sure, but still. Luckily, everyone knows I’m just an idiot, not a jerk.
Yep that’s me. To be honest I only know one trans woman, but I knew her since she was like 14 and she’s only transitioned a few years back. I sometimes accidentally used her old name or gender which was met with anger, leaving the room and slamming the door most of the time.
She’s doing better now the transition is over, but I mainly stick with silence or safe topics now. I definitely don’t talk about the past anymore because that is like walking through a minefield.
That’s my worst failing too. It’s harder to reprogram the way our brains process names and identity than is even fair. I meet someone during or after transition, it’s easy peasy. Meet them before, especially long before, and it can take a year or more to be certain I never screw up. Yeah, after a month or so, it becomes rare, but sure as hell something about the past will come up and my brain slips a gear.
It would be nice if the brain (mine in particular) was a wee bit easier to repattern things like that
I mean, I’m not an expert in dealing with trans people, but these kinds of “awkward rare person type” interactions have a really safe way of dealing with it : don’t fucking mention it until they do, then be polite about it and ask if you can “learn more”.
I really shoved my foot in it once when I worked with someone who was a drummer , where I had problems with my left hand playing at home on my kit, and they were interested in joining a jam. “Oh you’re a drummer, how do you deal with having your weaker hand being slower? I really suck at it”.
Then much later that day (or week) I realised they had ectrodactyly, and I died of shame, I am now a ghost.
I have met a couple of people over the years that are scared of interacting with trans people because they don’t know how to act.
I mean, they do, because you just act like you would with anyone else. But they worry about fucking up, or how/whether to address transness. So they get all tense and awkward, and then they fuck up and say something dumb and get even more scared the next time they meet a trans person.
It isn’t just for trans folks! There’s people that get specific social anxiety around people of other races, gay people, even just people from a different part of the country or world. It’s the whole “I don’t wanna say/do the wrong thing”.
Oh yes! I used to be like that.
But one day I met a friend of a friend that already knew some stuff about me and liked me
I’ve misgendered him several times on accident that day, but basically never since :)
Ngl, I’m relatively active with the local LGBTQ community and have been since the nineties, and I still sometimes screw up. Rarely for sure, but still. Luckily, everyone knows I’m just an idiot, not a jerk.
Yep that’s me. To be honest I only know one trans woman, but I knew her since she was like 14 and she’s only transitioned a few years back. I sometimes accidentally used her old name or gender which was met with anger, leaving the room and slamming the door most of the time.
She’s doing better now the transition is over, but I mainly stick with silence or safe topics now. I definitely don’t talk about the past anymore because that is like walking through a minefield.
That’s my worst failing too. It’s harder to reprogram the way our brains process names and identity than is even fair. I meet someone during or after transition, it’s easy peasy. Meet them before, especially long before, and it can take a year or more to be certain I never screw up. Yeah, after a month or so, it becomes rare, but sure as hell something about the past will come up and my brain slips a gear.
It would be nice if the brain (mine in particular) was a wee bit easier to repattern things like that
I mean, I’m not an expert in dealing with trans people, but these kinds of “awkward rare person type” interactions have a really safe way of dealing with it : don’t fucking mention it until they do, then be polite about it and ask if you can “learn more”.
I really shoved my foot in it once when I worked with someone who was a drummer , where I had problems with my left hand playing at home on my kit, and they were interested in joining a jam. “Oh you’re a drummer, how do you deal with having your weaker hand being slower? I really suck at it”.
Then much later that day (or week) I realised they had ectrodactyly, and I died of shame, I am now a ghost.