In the before times, I was uniquely blessed with the ability to decipher these paper maps. I was seen as a god among men.
Alas, with the advent of GPS and navigation I am but a mere relic of days gone by, regaling my days of glory to whomever should have the ears to listen.
I used to be amazed by the idea that there were people that couldn’t do this. A good map/atlas has an index of street names and what pages grid cells they’re on, and you can trace any familiar road trip with your finger (or a highlighter if you must).
Now I know that some people have a lot working against them. Some can’t visualize things in their head, have no clue which way North is, or imagine what their current location resembles on a 2D map. There’s also a kind of “navigation sense” that some people have and/or learn where your perception of space is in constant comparison to near and distant landmarks, even when indoors. People that can do these things are not afraid of liminal spaces, can easy find hidden rooms in structures, know exactly how big their car is, can improvise new routes between distant locations with ease, and being lost is a temporary problem at worst.
Edit: I had an ex that had very poor spacial perception, so that’s a thing too. There was an argument over whether or not a moving box would fit through a doorway when carried. Critical thinking aside, a complaint was made when seeing the box sitting alone, packed, in the middle of an otherwise empty room. From outside the room, this person was unable to accurately compare the box’s size in relationship to the doorway’s dimensions, and insisted it was too big to leave the space. It was as if their mind was unable to pull together enough context to get an accurate frame of reference. I think this spacial perception ability applies to navigation as well, and may explain why some people struggle with it.
I feel ya. Navigation by paper maps was my specialty. Now I’m a soldier without a war, relegated to shit posting on the Internet.
Ohhh wise one, tell us one of your many tales.
In my younger years my city used to publish a comprehensive road map that you could navigate by reading the road name index, figuring out its location on a greater city map grid, then finding its detailed map on a page listed on that grid. I literally used to help my parents navigate unknown roads like a Garmin before Garmin was even a thing. Every 2 years I would pick up the new edition of the map because the old one was getting ratty and out of date.
Good times.
I did this before cellphone and any sort of digital maps. It was hell. I memorized my city, that wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was the people who didn’t have their houses properly labeled with their address. Bonus points if they left their porch light off, as well.
“Why is my pizza cold?”
“Because I had to use complex mathematics to derive your house number among all of the unnumbered houses on your street.”
”Because I had to use complex mathematics to derive your house number among all of the unnumbered houses on your street."
Wouldn’t even be able to do that in the neighborhood I grew up in. They numbered the houses in the order they were built/the lots were purchased and that wasn’t often next to each other lol. So 64, 67, 88, 90 are next to each other for instance.
What kind of sick fuck…
Wasn’t on any sort of grid pattern either. The roads just kinda meandered around willy nilly and would sometimes loop back on itself with random “bridge” connecting roads which I know isn’t extremely uncommon but definitely added to the difficulty of navigation.
Ahh yes, you grew up in a west coast subdivision. I am assuming either a late 60s to early 80s split level or a slightly more upscale true two story neighborhood, where every house is one of either two models, or a mirror image of those models to create the illusion of variation.
It is always funny, the first time you go to a friend’s house and use the bathroom, their mom will offer to show you, but you would just be like, “I know where it is.”
I delivered pizza for a few years in my early years, and poorly lit addresses were the absolute worst. I was delivering in the pre-smartphone but post mapquest era, and we had a computer in the shop with a touch screen (which was crazy at the time) map on it so you could figure out where we were going. But God forbid you ended up on a one way street looking for an address that was poorly labeled or unlit and you got somebody behind you laying on their horn… At some point I bought a 1000 candle spotlight that I used at night, and that got me pulled over several times because people would call the police about “a slow driving car shining a spotlight out of its window”… Like… For fucks sake. I’m just trying to deliver some pizza.
With that said, while working I smoked a bunch of weed, listened to a bunch of good music, and generally got tipped well so… It was a good time.
I did this for more than ten years ask me anything
Why do kids like Chex
Because the texture allows it to perfectly absorb and mingle with all the detritus between the couch cushions for additional layers of flavor.
Most memorable call?
Definitely an extremely drunk group of college girls who seemed to be doing some hazing ritual which involved molesting the pizza boy. I’m not 100% sure exactly what was going on, but the person who answered the door had her tits out and woman behind her was on all fours spreading her cheeks (just wearing underwear), slurring something about giving her the tip. I was solicited to pick which one I preferred.
It didn’t actually go anywhere. Once I cast my vote their attention moved on to something else and they offered me a shot and a beer (which I took, because college, poor decisions, etc) and they said I could hang out but it was all a bit too sloppy drunk for my taste so I just left mildly confused and slightly horny.
Who did you choose?
The booty.
Why is Nicolas Maduro working at an old time Domino’s Pizza franchise?
