Brave trans woman documents her DIY orchi

All the updates:(UPDATE 1)So I wanted to write an update about moments that i didnt foresee with diy orchi and provide some info for those who might be interested in it.

Gore: I watched gore videos from when i was around 10yo, and i thought that i was desensitized to stuff like that... Let me tell you, doing surgery on yourself is a completely different level of gore, my hands were shaking the whole time, to the point I wasn't able to place stitches and had to call the ambulance. Riding with like 4 blood vessel clamps hanging from my crotch was quite the show. On that note...

Blood vessel clamps: THERES NO SUCH THING AS TO MANY CLAMPS, i had 5 and honestly it was barely enough to do the surgery.

Blood: There are at least 1 vid of diy orchi going around where blood loss is minimal, honestly idk if they did it in a really cold room or took some medication, In my experience i lost around 400ml. At least that what the surgeon that looked at vid of my orchi estimated. So yeah, there will be a lot of blood, so mandatory have someone to look for you.

Scalpel: HAVE SEVERAL BLADES ON HAND, bc figuring out that medical scalpel dull out really fast is not a fun thing to discover in the middle of the surgery. Trust me.

Ambulance: When they arrived at my house, one of the first things they did was to ask me where the tests were, to resew them back on... After I told them that I threw them out, they tried looking around my room, trying to find them.... So yeah, hide your balls pals lolololool

Hospital staff: idk about US/EU, but in my postsoviet shithole, the primary care doctor that was assigned to me, called me "that removed transsexual" when speaking with colleagues, so be ready to hear a lot of nicknames from staff. Also im kind of a legend (in a sense of a novelty) in this hospital, bc basically all the staff that was free, visited me when i was waiting for the surgery and in ICU, so there was A LOT of questions and A LOT of passive aggressive comments

Hospital journey: After the ambulance arrived i was rushed to the surgery, then spent the day in ICU, and now I'm in a closed psych unit. In terms of recovery I should be ok by Monday.

Rn in pain, but what did I want from surgery lol, getting my antibiotics+painmeds+blood recovery infusions. So overall surgery, although extremly dangerous, was a success.

(UPDATE 2)Soooo, the previous update was on the day 2 after surgery, now i am finally home, so here what happened during those 1.5 weeks that i spent in the hospitals

Also about the video and progress pics. I'm planning to release the video in ~1-3 months, when I'm fully healed. Progress pics will be later in this thread

One of the things that i forgot to mention in the first post, balls are quite shiny, giving their greish-white color, they unironically look like pearls when you cut them out. Neat i guess.

As a local anesthetic I used lidocaine 5 (2ml, 10%) ampules total, which is A LOT of lidocaine, 3 injections in each cord and 4 in the incision area. The most important step is to aspirate, cos it can make you dizzy or in the worst case stop your heart.https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6036540/

About the surgery when I was in the hospital: when I was getting strapped to the operating table, really unexpectedly for me, the anesthesiologist decided to use fentanyl as a painkiller. It honestly was a discovery for me that in my shithole with one of the strictest drug regulations/punishments there is fentanyl being used. Even more unexpectedly, after the anesthesiologist said that fentanyl will be used, he looked me in the eyes and said "lets give this med student 2 ampules" lol. Idk if he tried to od me or make the recovery as easy as possible, eather way im ok with that.

In the ICU: I was laying in a room with 3 other people, all of them were alcoholics in a state of delirium tremens, almost constantly screaming some nonsense and trying to escape from restraints. I spent about 20 hours there and it honestly felt like a really bad fever dream.

When I was transferred from the ICU to the psych unit, there were 3 med students who were really interested in the whole process. We had a really great chat + I showed the vid to them and had some feedback about the whole operation. What I learned from them:

1. 0.05% Chlorhexidine solution is too mild to properly clean the operating area. When contacting with blood/bodily fluids it really quickly losses its effectiveness, it better to use iodine solution, cos it lingers a lot longer. Good news is it is only used as a wash solution after a round of isopropyl alcohol bath for instruments and a thorough wiping of the operating area. Fiy I used 2 by 2 meters rubber matt as a operating zone which i tried to keep as sterile as i could.

2)About the comment from the last update about blood loss. There are a couple of medications that are used during surgery to contract blood vessels to decrease blood loss, sadly, bc of clusterfuck of a week i forgot how they were called.

In terms of doctors in this hospital, there were mostly neutral, only one was treating me like shit. I already wrote about him in the previous update. He was the reason I was transferred from the ICU to a psych unit instead of a urology one. The psychiatrist in the psych unit was mainly joking about this situation, like "it takes balls to cut them out" basically dad jokes lol.

Given that orchiectomy is basically impossible to get in my country, it was expected that nurses didn't know how to apply wound dressing properly. Unexpectedly they actually did listen to my instructions, so on that part everything was fine.

Now to the not so fun part: Transfer to psych hospital: When it was time to discharge from the hospital my primary care physician set up a consult for me with psychiatrist from republican research institute to cover her ass.

It was a clusterfuck, first she said that she "didnt understand whole transgender thing" mind you, she was a PHD professor in psychiatry who was in charge of one of the biggest psych unit for suicide/self harm patients in the country...On top of that she outright refused to use my prefered name and pronounce, which wasnt a problem for any other doctor even im my postsoviet shithole during those 1.5 weeks.

By the end of a consult she promised me that i will be discharged that day, she just need "get a confirmation from higher-ups, which would take 10 minutes", after hour of no updates i found my physician from wich i found out that i will be actually transferred to closed psych unit for observation and also that she already ordered an ambulance to transfer me there and quickly left... The thing is legally in that moment i was fucked, im my country, if a psychiatrist decided that you can cause harm to yourself, you cant refuse a hospitalization. There is actually a way, but its a legal clusterfuck that could take weeks or more, so the only option i had left at that moment was to give up.

In total i spend a week in a closed male unit, completely cut of out of outside world, 24/7 inside 4 walls, no phone, no personal belongings, barred from visitations. Psychiatrist that was assigned to me was really surprised that i was send here after dialogue with me. Thankfully with his help i was able to be discharged in a week and not in a 3 to 8 weeks, wich was a standart observation time for people that were send there.

I was mostly just extremely booooring and exhausting week there. Thankfully on the day 3 there i was transferred from the observation wart to a regular room where i was allowed castrated pencil and a notepad, so i could sketch a bit.

Weirdest moment there happend where i wanted to scetch a piano that was there. It didnt have any place to sit in from of it to have a reference, so i "borrowed" a chair from the main hall. At that moment there were a bard standing there from a local dnd group who witnessed the whole venture and looket at me in disgusted, as if i committed some sort of crime. Then we had a really weird dialogue where i tried to explain to him that you can improvise in real life too. (picrl, text at the bottom "explaining improvisation to a bard")

Got harassed there a bit. Several time man that was there tried to group my boobs, flashed me with their cocks when i was near their rooms, and generally a lot of people were annoying af asking to show them boobs/cock/surgery results

Although some were actually supportive and tried to protect me from weirdos or outright transphobes.

Healing process: after i was stiched up and wake up in the ICU, when lidocaine and painkillers wered off tha pain actually started. For the first 3 days it was hard to even sleep without painkillers. It started wear off on the day 4 and by the next day was mostly manageable. Day 6, when i was transferred to the psych hospital, the pain was mostly gone. I only felt it when i cought, also got sick there with coronavirus, so i cought a lot...

Until the removal of stiches, i had to wear a compressive dressing to decrease the load on the incision area. It has to be changed on the daily basis to prevent infection. Generally it was an uneventful week, there were no infection, no puss, and only a couple of blood drops during the first wound dressing change, so everything went fine.

On the day 9 stiches were removed and i finally were able to fell how the surgeon stiched it shut. Honestly i would of done it a bit different, but still not a bad job, so i don't really have any complaints.I used scrotal approach, so the incision itself were only about 2 cm long, vertical incision in the middle of the scrotum. I wil copy this text a bit latter to tttt with picks of the healing process on day 3 and day 15.

Unexpected results:Rapid acceleration of penile atrophy during first week. By rapid i mean RAPID, after only 4 days it was already painful yo open foreskin and on day ~6 skin actually started to tear with minor bleeding in some places near the tip of the foreskin. Also there were A LOT of skin flakes. As a solution to this, i constantly make sure that my foreskin was pulled all the way back, to stretch it as much as i can, and regularly moistured it. At least it was the maximum that i could do in the settings of a closed with psych unit, with only moisturizing cream on hand. This thankfully seemed to help. Although it still a bit painful to pull the foreskin back, its much better now, and now that i home, i can have a bonner to stretch it back.

Problems with peeing. For the first day after surgery, when i was in the ICU, it was almost impossible to pee, i felt that my bladder was full, but still had to spend nearly an hour concentrating to pee for the first time. By the second day the problem was almost gone, but still it was weird. Nurces REALLY tried to place a catheter, but it looks like there were almost a wall inside soooooo they failed.

Having spend 1.5 weeks around people using my prefered name, i realized its actually sucks and honestly idk which one to chose. The only option that i liked is Rory for the really cringe reason, bc of character from anime Rory Mercury, i like her cos she gives off the vibe of someone who loves to fuck around, which i vibe with a lot. If you have any suggestions of female/fem leaning names that give off similar vibe, please let me know.

There were 2 documents for sick leave, 1 from each hospital. In the one from the psych the reason(diagnosis) for hospitalization was writen f64.0 lol. The thing is now i have to take this docs to my job to explain where i was all this time and get my sick leave paid.... God i hope they wont look up what f64 stands for, im still boymoding so idk how i would explain this.

What are the results:1)I dont feel my balls. It was a major dysphoria trigger for me. When i walt, sit, move, felling my balls move in my crotch made me wanna throw up every time. Now they are gone, so no dysphoria from them. I cant even start to describe how it was a blessing for me. I finally can say that i fell normal, first time in my life.

2. Boners are almost completely gone. Now i have to really set up a good atmosphere and have some time with it to actually have any kind of erection.
3. Easier hrt. Now i can decrease the dose of injections, makin supply last much longer.
4. Insurance in case if i lose access to hrt. Leving in postsoviet shithole where i real risk being jailed for just being trans, this really lifts weight of my shoulders. At least i know i wont masculinize any further.
5. Masturbation feels different. Eather because i dont fell my bals or because of decreased dysphoria, or both, its actually became much more pleasurable. Although i need to note that i primarily use magic wans style vibrator, so i dont have to toch it, and honestly, with how thin the skin rn, i would be scared to use my hand to stroke it.

SOOO THA MAIN QUESTION: Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY YESIts a first time in my life where i dont have a cripling dysphoria hanging over my head. I spend last 2 years in constal chase for ways to turn off my brain, just for a chance at not felling a cripling dysphoria for a moment. For the last 1.5 years i spend drinking copuos ammounts of alcohol every day because it was the only legal thing that were able to shut my brain off and keep me from ending this miserable life. And now, for the first time i can confidently say that i dont need it. I actually feel normal, i cant describe how happy im right now. After all the pain im honestly, for the first time in my life I can say that I'm ok.