What's the best way to lie on a resume in order to cover up a longer employment gap?

For context, I've been out of work for over two years now. First, I got laid off (which was effective immediately), then my dad had a medical emergency two weeks later and ended up passing away. Then my grandfather died four months later. Two months later, my spouse caught COVID from our kid, ended up going to the hospital multiple times over the next month, and was semi-bedbound for almost a year from long COVID. I was their caregiver during that time, and my spouse ended up more or less making a full recovery, thank fuck.

Since then, I've been looking for work for about a year, but it's been pretty awful sending so many resumes into a void, and I've effectively exhausted my network as well. I've also been ghosted after interviews so many times, including the most recent interview where I made it to the final round, so I am completely jokerfied at this point. There has also been the added pressure of my spouse losing their job a few months ago because of their dipshit toxic, transphobic boss. So we're both looking for work now.

This is also by far the worst market I can remember in my adult life (I'm early 30s).

I've tried to be upfront about the gap up to this point, but I think I am done being honest. I think the gap is fucking me over, especially in this market.

Anyone have experience with successfully lying to cover up an employment gap?

If it helps, I previously worked in one of those bullshit fields at a tech company for like 5 years. It's a type of work that can be freelanced as well. So I guess freelancing is an option to put on the resume. I've been trying to get back in this field, but have also found myself expanding my search in recent months because of the lack of success.

I've heard some people also just straight up make up positions at companies on their resume, but I've been hesitant to do that because I feel like that wouldn't pass a background check, no? I'm not sure how thorough the background check is for the average company.

I'd really appreciate any advice, thanks!