The expectations I hold are impractical and often counter-productive. I need to find a better approach, to making a difference.

I have a history of being notoriously demanding. Because of the circumstances I was living in I had became politically minded by the time I was entering middle school, but because I didn't have an outlet to make a difference and all I could do is personal lifestyle changes. My life has become an endless critique of exploitation, both internally and externally.

I have effectively removed myself from society, as much as I'm able to, and continue to remove myself more. I spend most of my time trying to push others in the same direction. It never really works out. Nobody really likes being around me, either because they don't take me seriously and assume I am faking it to get attention or because I'm so harsh, it's just not fun at all to be around me.

I can't critique myself out of being too critical. I have to actually go out there and get a hobby, actually learn what's it like to be a person. What keeps me from doing so is the idea that if I let myself enjoy life, I'll abandon those in need. But in reality I end up dehumanizing the very same people, who I claim I wish so much to protect. Just because I don't do it for personal gain doesn't make it any better.

I need to be better. Also I'm stepping away from the keyboard now, to try to do something different, so if I messed up somehow that's why I am not responding.